Joe McAllister distinctly remembers when his son and daughter, now 17 and 14, first started wanting more privacy at home. “At around age 11 or 12 they both wanted me to knock before coming into their rooms,” says the Toronto father, who knew to expect an exasperated “Daaa-aaad!” if he forgot.

Not only is this normal, says Miriam Kaufman, a pediatrician at the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto, it’s healthy. “That [privacy] is a really important thing to respect. We want kids to feel their bodies belong to them.” If they do, then maybe they’ll be more likely to make healthy and responsible choices about them, she says.

For parents, this shift means your tweens certainly don’t want you to see them peeing or taking a bath ever again. The doctor’s office – that place where they insisted you stay and hold their hand – is off limits now, too. But don’t worry, says Kaufman. After a checkup, a pediatrician will always update parents about anything important.

THE NEW ORDER
Given the intimacy we enjoy when our kids are tiny, it’s natural to feel a sense of loss when, quite suddenly, the bathroom door is not only shut but locked. Here’s how to navigate this prickly time.

EXPERTS SAY Respect your child’s privacy, suggests Toronto pediatrician Miriam Kaufman. Ask before you open a door or go into his dresser drawers.
PARENTS SAY “We generally knock before entering [10-year-old] Michael’s room,” says David Langner, an Ottawa father of three. He and his wife, Lynn, try to place as much value on their son’s privacy as they do their own.

EXPERTS SAY Don’t be overly intrusive, says Jon Mills, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in Ajax, Ont. Ask questions delicately and kids will be more encouraged to speak openly.
PARENTS SAY “Never ever try to look over their shoulders when they’re conversing on instant messaging,” says Toronto dad Joe McAllister, who has learned that this is the modern-day equivalent of listening in on the phone. (But horn in if you suspect they’re chatting with a stranger.)

EXPERTS SAY Recognize discomfort. Edmonton family psychologist Gary Meiers says that when parents start to feel uncomfortable around their preteens in certain situations, their kids probably feel the same.
PARENTS SAY When Michael Langner turned eight, his parents gave him a bathrobe to wear to and from the shower. Not only does a gift like this make everyone more comfortable, it’s a nice way to acknowledge that your child is growing.

EXPERTS SAY Minimize embarrassment. If possible, have the same-sex parent address body or sexuality issues.
PARENTS SAY David Langner thought it was best that he field his eight-year-old son, Nicholas’s, questions about where babies come from. Nicholas was kind of grossed out, says Langner. “He said, ‘You did it three times?”

EXPERTS SAY Celebrate. Look at your child’s growing sense of autonomy as something to be really excited about, says Kaufman.
PARENTS SAY When Meiers’ son, now 13, turned 11, he and his wife enjoyed being able to go out alone for dinner — without getting a babysitter. There’s more time to devote to the community and other interests, too, he says.