More than a decade ago, Anne De La Barrera-Black’s baby developed colic that hung on for a long, agonizing three months. The Aurora, Ont., mom still remembers the exact date her daughter, Lindsay, now 16, slept in her own crib for the first time instead of in her mother’s arms. It was June 27. Lindsay was born on April 3.
Her wisdom: “It won’t last forever. Find people who will give you breaks and leave the house so you don’t hear the crying. Give yourself permission to feel how you feel—just don’t take it out on the baby.”
Colic is defined by something known as “the rule of threes”—inconsolable crying in an otherwise healthy infant for three hours per day, for more than three days per week, in the first three months of life. No one really knows what causes it, only that in most cases it will taper off by three or four months. Many theories abound—milk intolerance, an overstimulated nervous system, gas, etc.—but only apply in some cases. About 10 per cent of babies have colic. Some cry every evening, while others tend to cry all the time. A baby with colic may clench his fists, pull his legs tight to the chest, hold his breath briefly, squeeze his eyes shut or open them very wide.
And while it’s the worst thing you can imagine when you’re in it, Dr. Gary Smith, a father of four and pediatrician in Orillia, Ont., says it’s actually normal for newborns to cry for long stretches. Colicky babies just land on the extremely challenging end of the spectrum. “Most times, the incessant crying hurts parents more than it hurts their babies,” says Dr. Smith.
Tracy and Trevor Wagler of New Hamburg, Ont., vividly remember the impact parenting a baby with colic had on their marriage. The couple’s first-born daughter, Sydney, screamed from 5:30 p.m. until 10:30 p.m. every night from the time she was three weeks old until she turned four and a half months.
“Trevor and I couldn’t agree on how to deal with the screaming,” says Tracy, now a mom of three. “I wanted to carry Sydney around and try to console her as best I could. Trevor felt that we should just put her to bed and let her cry. Sydney’s screams made it very difficult to enjoy each other’s company.”
Not only is the crying hard to listen to, it makes you feel like you’re failing as parents. The important thing to realize is that your job is to try to comfort the baby, even if there is no consoling her.
Jenny Ferns, a psychologist and mother of three in Victoria, suggests that when mom needs a break, dad should take the baby for a car or stroller ride. “Movement seems to help,” she says. “Holding the baby very close to the body also seems to calm the child. Proximity to the nervous system of the mother is very soothing if the mother is calm.” The problem is, the situation is so stressful that at the end of the day it’s difficult for either parent to be that calming presence, says Ferns.
The good news is, despite these babies’ highly sensitive temperaments, there are no known long-term problems associated with colic. Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkhoff and Sandee Hathaway, co-authors of What To Expect The First Year (Workman), say that infants who cry vigorously develop into toddlers who are good problem-solvers ““ something to hold onto when you feel like crying just as loudly as your colicky babe!
How to Cope
- Hand the baby off, even for a half-hour. Any kind and willing adult can handle 30 minutes of your child’s screaming ““ after all, you’re coping with it every day!
- Let friends and family do your grocery shopping or clean your house, even if it’s not in your nature. Quelling chaos in your home will restore a little peace of mind.
- Take the baby for a stroll or a drive. Motion and vibration can soothe.
- Try swaddling your baby, making shushing sounds, offering her the breast, a finger or soother to satisfy her sucking reflex, holding her on her side so her stomach touches yours, and swinging her back and forth or in a mechanical swing. These are what Dr. Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby On The Block (Bantam) calls “the five Ss” method of calming colic.
