What Grandparents Really Think About How We're Raising Our Kids
My mother-in-law said from the get-go that she wouldn’t be the full-time babysitter of our kids. She takes them once a week, and for the occasional overnight, but she never wanted a regular gig. Sure, she felt guilty for saying so, but my husband and I appreciated her honesty. She says that many grandparents feel more anxiety taking care of their grandchildren than they did taking care of their own children. Mother’s instinct doesn’t stretch a generation, she thinks.
“Maybe I’m not a good grandmother because I would much rather be doing my own thing than babysitting,” says Donna Long*, in her 60s, of Winnipeg. She has one son, one daughter and four grandchildren. “My daughter probably expects me to be more involved because I’m retired. At this age, I should be free to do whatever. My daughter’s husband calls her a ‘helicopter’ because she hovers over her kids for fear they will hurt themselves. I was more relaxed with my own kids because I had no time to worry about their falls. But, when I babysit, I’m terrified that the grandkids will fall or choke on something. I find looking after them very stressful.”
Some grandparents suggest that the key to keeping that parental instinct finely tuned is to connect with the grandkids when they’re really young—without parents being too much involved.
“I don’t think a mother’s instinct is ever gone, but grandparents need to bond with their grandchildren when the kids are at a very early age. The more time spent, the closer the bond,” says Rachel Smith*, 65, of Winnipeg. She has three sons and one granddaughter, age six, who she has babysat twice a week, including overnights, since the baby was two. “Without this early bonding, I wouldn’t be as prepared to take on the care of my grandchild.”
Parents do hover, Smith continues. “There’s little time for free play and for children to use their imagination. Children are not asked if they want to participate in an activity. The decision is made for them,” says Smith.
Long agrees. She’s all for signing kids up for lessons—she did the same thing with her kids, but “they were older than two. My grandson has been going to Montessori since he was two, was in Kinder Music long before then and has taken swimming lessons. Poor kid. He is very bright, no doubt, but now he needs to be overstimulated so that he doesn’t get bored. I wonder how he will manage when he gets to school.”
see all contests
