The importance of having a will
I’ll never forget watching them fight over recipe cards. My grandmother had just died, and two family members were standing in her kitchen having a heated discussion over who would get her cherished handwritten recipes. My grandmother had left a meticulous will, but even she couldn’t have foreseen a battle over recipe cards.
“Some parents, with all good intentions, believe the handling of the will is going to be positive, but they don’t think clearly about what the will is really going to do to their children down the road,” says Linda Somers, a legacy coach and the operator of will-help.com, which she started after the negative experiences—heartache, family squabbles, feelings of betrayal—stemming from her own parents’ will.
1. Choose a guardian
Avoiding family fights over money and trinkets is one reason why we all need wills, but parents with young children also need to pick guardians. When making this very important decision, it’s important to consider your children’s feelings as well as your own. Ask yourself some of the following questions: Whose parenting style and values closely resembles your own? Who has the emotional, financial and physical means to care for your children? Do your children already have a relationship with anyone in particular? My husband and I agonized over whom to choose for months. We finally settled on his brother and his wife, but the whole thing left me feeling unsettled. I couldn’t imagine anyone else being good enough to take care of our children. Ed Olkovich, a Toronto lawyer and wills specialist, asks parents to contemplate > the alternative to not selecting a guardian. “When you stop and look at the consequences that may involve your relatives fighting at the funeral home over who will take the children home,” he says. “You have to ask yourself, how do I avoid that? You name a guardian.”
2. Ensure guardians are comfortable with role
Our next step was to confirm that our relatives would accept this responsibility. So we sat down and asked my brother-in-law and his wife if they would like to be our children’s guardians. They admitted they were flattered and readily agreed.
As for written instructions for the guardians on how your child should be raised, Olkovich says, “A lot of parents try to rule from the grave.” He believes if you are comfortable enough to pick two people as guardians, you should be confident that they will honour the morals and values you hold.
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