In today’s connected world, children are exposed to more information than ever before. Whether it’s through overheard conversations, news broadcasts, social media, or playground discussions, scary and disturbing content can reach our children despite our best efforts to protect them. As parents, we face the challenging task of helping our kids process these difficult realities while preserving their sense of safety and security.

The story many parents know all too well: You’re watching the evening news when a disturbing report comes on. Before you can reach for the remote, your child’s innocent voice pipes up with questions that make your heart sink. “What happened to that person?” “Are we safe?” “Could that happen to us?” Suddenly, you’re faced with explaining concepts that even adults struggle to comprehend.

This scenario plays out in homes across Canada daily, leaving parents wondering: How much should we tell them? What’s age-appropriate? How can we be honest without traumatizing them? The answers aren’t always clear-cut, but with the right approach, we can help our children navigate these difficult conversations while building their resilience and understanding of the world around them.

Understanding Your Child’s Developmental Stage

Early Childhood (Ages 2-5): Concrete Thinking and Immediate Concerns

Young children think in very literal, concrete terms. They haven’t yet developed the cognitive ability to understand abstract concepts like probability, statistics, or the broader context of world events. When a preschooler hears about something scary, they’re primarily concerned with one question: “Will this happen to me or my family?”

Key characteristics of this age group:

  • Limited attention span for complex explanations
  • Difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality
  • Strong need for routine and predictability
  • May have delayed reactions to disturbing information
  • Often process information through play and repetition

Dr. Paul Coleman, psychologist and author of How to Say It to Your Child When Bad Things Happen, explains: “Kids at this age cannot put that information into a reasonable, comprehensive perspective. They will think in more black-and-white terms.”

School Age (Ages 6-11): Developing Logic and Seeking Facts

Elementary school children begin to understand cause and effect more clearly. They’re developing logical thinking skills but still need guidance to put disturbing information into proper context. This age group often seeks facts and concrete information to help them make sense of scary events.

Key characteristics:

  • Beginning to understand that bad things can happen to good people
  • May ask many detailed questions
  • Starting to grasp concepts of fairness and justice
  • Can understand basic safety precautions and rules
  • May worry about unlikely scenarios happening to them

Preteens and Teens (Ages 12+): Abstract Thinking and Global Awareness

Older children can handle more complex discussions about difficult topics. They’re developing abstract thinking skills and can understand concepts like mental illness, systemic issues, and global events. However, they may also be more deeply affected by disturbing news and need support processing their emotions.

Key characteristics:

  • Can understand complex social and political issues
  • May feel overwhelmed by the scope of world problems
  • Beginning to form their own moral and ethical beliefs
  • May experience anxiety about their future and the world’s future
  • Need opportunities to take positive action

Creating a Foundation for Difficult Conversations

Establishing Trust and Open Communication

Before any crisis or scary event occurs, it’s crucial to establish your home as a safe space for questions and discussions. Children who feel comfortable talking to their parents about small concerns are more likely to come to them with bigger worries.

Ways to build this foundation:

  • Respond calmly to everyday questions, even uncomfortable ones
  • Avoid dismissing concerns that seem trivial to you
  • Share age-appropriate information about your own emotions
  • Create regular check-in times for family discussions
  • Model healthy ways to express worry and seek support

Recognizing Your Own Reactions

Your child will look to you for cues about how to react to scary information. If you’re visibly upset, anxious, or angry, your child will pick up on these emotions. It’s important to process your own feelings before approaching your child, or at least acknowledge them honestly.

Self-regulation strategies:

  • Take time to calm yourself before discussing the topic
  • Acknowledge your own emotions without overwhelming your child
  • Seek support from other adults when you’re struggling
  • Be honest about not having all the answers
  • Model healthy coping strategies

Age-Appropriate Communication Strategies

For Young Children (Ages 2-5)

Keep it simple and concrete: When explaining scary events to young children, focus on basic facts without overwhelming details. Use simple language they can understand and relate the information to their own experience when possible.

Example response to questions about a natural disaster: “Sometimes the earth shakes and it can damage buildings. The people who live there are working hard to fix everything and help each other. Our house is built to be safe, and we practice what to do if the ground shakes by getting under a strong table.”

Emphasize safety and protection: Young children need constant reassurance that the adults in their lives are working to keep them safe. Be specific about the safety measures in place.

Use comfort objects and routines: Maintain familiar routines and allow extra comfort objects during stressful times. This helps young children feel secure when their world feels uncertain.

Limit exposure to disturbing images: Young children can be traumatized by graphic images, even in cartoon form. Monitor their media consumption carefully and provide alternative activities during news broadcasts.

For School-Age Children (Ages 6-11)

Provide more context and facts: School-age children can handle more detailed explanations. They often find comfort in understanding the facts and knowing what people are doing to address problems.

Example response about community violence: “Someone made a very bad choice that hurt other people. This is not normal – most people are good and would never do something like this. The police work every day to keep our community safe, and there are many people whose job it is to help when something bad happens.”

Address probability and likelihood: Help children understand that just because something happened, it doesn’t mean it will happen to them. Use concrete examples they can relate to.

Encourage questions and ongoing dialogue: Let them know it’s okay to keep asking questions as they think of them. Their understanding will develop over time, and they may need to revisit topics multiple times.

Teach practical safety skills: This is a good age to teach practical safety skills that can help children feel more empowered and less helpless.

For Preteens and Teens (Ages 12+)

Engage in deeper discussions: Older children can handle discussions about complex topics like mental health, social justice, and global issues. They may want to understand the “why” behind events, not just the “what.”

Acknowledge their developing worldview: Teenagers are forming their own opinions and values. Listen to their perspectives and engage in respectful dialogue, even when you disagree.

Discuss media literacy: Help them critically evaluate information sources and understand how media can influence perception. Teach them to fact-check and consider multiple perspectives.

Encourage positive action: When teens feel overwhelmed by world problems, channel their energy into positive action. This might include volunteering, fundraising, or advocacy work.

Five Essential Steps for Difficult Conversations

1. Be Mindful of Your Child’s Individual Emotional Development

Every child develops at their own pace, and emotional maturity doesn’t always align with chronological age. Consider your individual child’s sensitivity, previous reactions to difficult information, and current stress levels.

Assessment questions to consider:

  • How has my child reacted to scary movies or books in the past?
  • What is their current stress level from other life events?
  • How well do they typically handle unexpected changes?
  • What coping strategies have worked for them before?
  • Are they naturally more anxious or more resilient?

Pay attention to your child’s non-verbal cues during conversations. Signs they may be overwhelmed include:

  • Withdrawal or unusual quietness
  • Increased clinginess or regression to earlier behaviors
  • Sleep disturbances or nightmares
  • Changes in appetite or bathroom habits
  • Increased irritability or emotional outbursts
  • Physical complaints like stomachaches or headaches

2. Don’t Dismiss Your Child’s Feelings

When children express fear, sadness, or confusion about scary events, their emotions are valid regardless of whether their concerns are statistically likely to affect them. Dismissing their feelings can shut down communication and make them less likely to come to you with future concerns.

Instead of saying:

  • “Don’t be silly, that won’t happen to you”
  • “You don’t need to worry about that”
  • “That’s not something kids should think about”

Try saying:

  • “It makes sense that you would feel worried about that”
  • “I can see this is really bothering you”
  • “It’s normal to feel scared when we hear about bad things happening”
  • “Thank you for telling me how you’re feeling”

Creating space for emotions:

  • Set aside uninterrupted time for these conversations
  • Use active listening techniques (repeat back what you hear)
  • Validate their emotions while providing reassurance
  • Share your own age-appropriate emotional responses
  • Offer physical comfort when appropriate

3. Take Their Concerns Seriously

Children’s concerns about scary events deserve thoughtful responses, even when their fears seem unlikely or exaggerated. Taking their worries seriously doesn’t mean agreeing that their worst fears will come true, but rather acknowledging that their feelings matter and deserve attention.

Validation strategies:

  • Ask follow-up questions to better understand their specific concerns
  • Acknowledge that it’s smart to think about safety
  • Explain the difference between possible and probable
  • Share information about safety measures and protective systems
  • Discuss what you’re doing as a parent to keep them safe

Real-world example: When news broke about a violent incident at a local library, eight-year-old Jonathan asked his mother, Cynthia, to explain what happened. Rather than avoiding the topic or minimizing his concerns, she provided honest, age-appropriate information.

“I told him someone died at the library, but everyone else was safe,” Cynthia explains. “My instinct was to let him know we can still go to the library—that what happened doesn’t happen all the time.” This approach acknowledged the reality of the event while providing reassurance about ongoing safety.

4. Provide Facts When Your Child Asks for Them

Children often find comfort in factual information. When they ask questions about scary events, providing clear, age-appropriate facts can help reduce anxiety and dispel misconceptions they might have developed.

Guidelines for sharing facts:

  • Start with what they already know and correct any misinformation
  • Use age-appropriate language and concepts
  • Focus on the helpers and people working to solve problems
  • Explain safety measures and protective systems
  • Be honest about what you don’t know

Avoiding overwhelming details: While facts can be comforting, too much graphic detail can be traumatizing. Focus on:

  • Basic facts about what happened
  • Who is helping and how
  • What safety measures are in place
  • How the situation is being addressed
  • Why it’s unlikely to affect them directly

The importance of reliable sources: Golnar Khosrowshahi learned this lesson when her twin girls encountered a disturbing newspaper photo of an earthquake survivor. Rather than avoiding their questions, she realized children need access to news that’s presented in an educational, non-threatening way. This experience inspired her to create GoGoNews.com, a website that presents news to children in age-appropriate ways.

“Kids need facts,” Khosrowshahi explains. “We describe what happened and the sequence of events. It helps them understand something that is difficult to understand.”

5. Make a Practical Safety Plan

Sometimes fear can be productive if it motivates reasonable safety preparations. When children express concerns about potential dangers, involving them in creating safety plans can help them feel more empowered and less helpless.

Types of safety planning:

  • Emergency procedures: Fire drills, earthquake response, severe weather plans
  • Personal safety: Stranger awareness, online safety, bullying response
  • Family communication: Who to call, where to meet, emergency contacts
  • Community resources: Police, firefighters, teachers, neighbors who can help

Making plans age-appropriate:

  • Young children: Focus on simple rules and trusted adults
  • School-age: Practice specific procedures and decision-making
  • Teens: Discuss complex scenarios and independent judgment

Dr. Coleman notes: “Fear is all about the unknown. By giving them strategies, there are fewer unknowns.” When children know what to do in various situations, they feel more confident and less anxious.

Special Considerations for Different Types of Scary Events

Natural Disasters

Key points to address:

  • Natural disasters are not anyone’s fault
  • Scientists work to predict and prepare for these events
  • Communities have plans to help people stay safe
  • Explain your family’s specific emergency plan
  • Discuss how people help each other during disasters

Age-specific approaches:

  • Young children: Focus on the helpers and simple safety rules
  • School-age: Explain the science behind natural events and community preparedness
  • Teens: Discuss climate change, disaster relief efforts, and long-term planning

Violence and Crime

Key points to address:

  • Most people are good and want to help others
  • There are systems in place to prevent violence and help victims
  • It’s normal for these events to be widely reported because they’re unusual
  • Discuss the difference between news coverage and actual risk
  • Explain what makes your family and community safe

Sensitive topics: When discussing violence, be especially mindful of:

  • Your child’s exposure to violent media or games
  • Any personal experiences with violence or trauma
  • Cultural or community factors that might affect their perception
  • Their developmental ability to understand complex motivations

Global Events and Social Issues

Key points to address:

  • Many smart, caring people are working on these problems
  • Problems that seem overwhelming often have many different solutions
  • Change often happens slowly but steadily
  • There are ways your family can contribute to positive change
  • Focus on hope and human resilience

Encouraging engagement: For older children who want to take action:

  • Research age-appropriate volunteer opportunities
  • Support causes through fundraising or awareness campaigns
  • Write letters to elected officials
  • Participate in community events
  • Practice everyday kindness and inclusion

Ongoing Support and Monitoring

Signs Your Child May Need Additional Support

While most children can process scary information with family support, some may need additional help from mental health professionals. Watch for:

Immediate concerns:

  • Persistent nightmares or sleep disturbances lasting more than a week
  • Significant changes in eating habits
  • Regression to earlier developmental stages
  • Excessive clinginess or separation anxiety
  • Aggressive or destructive behavior
  • Withdrawal from normal activities and relationships

Longer-term concerns:

  • Ongoing preoccupation with scary events weeks after discussion
  • Persistent physical complaints without medical cause
  • Declining school performance
  • Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
  • Expressions of hopelessness about the future
  • Self-harm or concerning statements about safety

Creating Ongoing Dialogue

Difficult conversations shouldn’t be one-time events. Children need ongoing opportunities to process information and ask new questions as they develop.

Strategies for ongoing support:

  • Schedule regular family meetings or check-ins
  • Create traditions around discussing current events
  • Encourage questions at any time
  • Revisit topics as children mature
  • Share age-appropriate updates on ongoing situations
  • Celebrate positive news and human kindness

Building Resilience Over Time

Each difficult conversation is an opportunity to build your child’s emotional resilience and coping skills. Over time, children who have practice discussing hard topics with supportive adults develop:

  • Better emotional regulation skills
  • Increased confidence in their ability to handle challenges
  • Stronger critical thinking abilities
  • Greater empathy and understanding of others
  • More realistic assessment of risks and dangers
  • Improved communication skills

When Professional Help May Be Needed

Recognizing the Limits of Parental Support

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, children need additional support from mental health professionals. This doesn’t represent a failure on your part as a parent—it shows wisdom and care for your child’s wellbeing.

Consider professional support when:

  • Your child’s anxiety interferes with daily functioning for more than two weeks
  • You feel overwhelmed by your child’s reactions
  • Your family has experienced recent trauma or loss
  • Your child has pre-existing anxiety or mental health concerns
  • You notice significant behavioral changes that don’t improve with support

Types of professional support:

  • School counselors: Often the first line of support for school-age children
  • Child psychologists: Specialize in child development and trauma
  • Family therapists: Help entire families develop coping strategies
  • Pediatricians: Can rule out physical causes and provide referrals

Preparing for Professional Support

If you decide to seek professional help:

  • Explain to your child that talking to a counselor is another way to get help with big feelings
  • Emphasize that therapy is a normal, healthy resource
  • Be honest about your own role in the decision
  • Maintain your supportive role while allowing the professional to guide treatment

Technology and Media Considerations

Managing Information Overload

In our digital age, children can be exposed to disturbing content through various channels, often without warning. Parents need strategies to manage this exposure while teaching media literacy.

Screen time boundaries:

  • Establish clear rules about news consumption
  • Use parental controls on devices and streaming services
  • Create tech-free times for family discussion
  • Monitor social media activity and online interactions
  • Teach children to seek out trusted adults when they encounter disturbing content online

Teaching media literacy:

  • Explain how news organizations choose which stories to cover
  • Discuss the difference between local and global events
  • Help children understand the concept of statistical risk
  • Teach them to fact-check information from social media
  • Explain how images and headlines can be misleading

Using Technology Positively

Technology can also be a tool for helping children process difficult information:

  • Educational videos: Age-appropriate explanations of complex topics
  • Virtual tours: Showing rebuilt communities or conservation efforts
  • Connection opportunities: Video calls with distant family during crises
  • Creative expression: Digital art, writing, or video projects about feelings
  • Research projects: Age-appropriate investigation of topics they’re curious about

Building a Supportive Community Network

Collaborating with Other Parents

Difficult conversations often extend beyond the home. Coordinating with other parents can help ensure consistent, supportive messaging across your child’s social network.

Communication with other families:

  • Share information about what you’ve told your children
  • Coordinate responses to school or community events
  • Discuss appropriate media exposure levels
  • Plan supportive activities or gatherings
  • Share resources and professional recommendations

Working with Schools

Schools play a crucial role in helping children process difficult information. Most schools have protocols for addressing traumatic events or concerning news.

Collaborating with educators:

  • Ask about your school’s crisis response procedures
  • Communicate your family’s approach to difficult topics
  • Share concerns about your child’s reactions
  • Participate in school-sponsored information sessions
  • Support school counseling and mental health programs

Moving Forward: Teaching Hope and Resilience

Focusing on Helpers and Solutions

One of the most powerful tools for helping children process scary information is focusing on the people who help and the solutions being implemented. Children need to know that when bad things happen, good people spring into action.

Highlighting helpers:

  • First responders: Police, firefighters, paramedics, and emergency workers
  • Medical professionals: Doctors, nurses, and mental health providers
  • Community leaders: Teachers, religious leaders, and local officials
  • Volunteers: People who donate time, money, and resources
  • Ordinary citizens: Neighbors helping neighbors, acts of kindness

Discussing solutions:

  • Research being done to prevent similar events
  • Laws and policies designed to protect people
  • International cooperation on global issues
  • Technological advances that improve safety
  • Community programs that build resilience

Encouraging Positive Action

When children feel helpless about world problems, channeling their energy into positive action can be therapeutic and empowering.

Age-appropriate ways to help:

  • Young children: Drawing pictures for people affected by tragedy, participating in family volunteer activities
  • School-age: Organizing fundraisers, writing thank-you cards to helpers, participating in community clean-up days
  • Teens: Volunteering with local organizations, participating in advocacy campaigns, mentoring younger children

Maintaining Perspective and Hope

Finally, it’s important to help children maintain perspective about the world around them. While bad things do happen, the vast majority of people are good, and communities are generally safe places to live.

Building optimistic realism:

  • Share positive news stories regularly
  • Discuss historical examples of overcoming challenges
  • Point out everyday acts of kindness and cooperation
  • Celebrate human achievements and progress
  • Maintain family traditions and joyful activities
  • Plan for positive future events and goals

Conclusion: Growing Stronger Through Difficult Conversations

Talking to children about scary events is never easy, but these conversations are opportunities to build trust, develop coping skills, and strengthen family bonds. By approaching difficult topics with honesty, sensitivity, and age-appropriate information, we help our children develop the resilience they need to navigate an complex world.

Remember that you don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes the most important thing you can offer is a willingness to listen, a commitment to seeking information together, and the reassurance that your family will face challenges together. Each difficult conversation builds your child’s confidence that they can come to you with their concerns and that together, you can handle whatever comes your way.

The goal isn’t to shield our children from all knowledge of the world’s problems, but rather to help them develop the emotional tools they need to process difficult information while maintaining their sense of security and hope. With patience, practice, and plenty of love, these challenging conversations become opportunities for growth, connection, and building the foundation for lifelong emotional resilience.