What would you tell your younger self? These hard-won life lessons offer wisdom for navigating relationships, career, parenthood, and finding authentic happiness along the way.

There’s something profoundly moving about imagining a conversation with our younger selves—that earnest, hopeful person we once were, standing at the threshold of adulthood with dreams as big as the sky and worries that seemed insurmountable at the time. Recently, a collection of letters from leading actresses to their younger selves crossed my desk, and it sparked something deep within me. What wisdom would I share with the 20-year-old version of myself?

Now, with 45 years of living behind me—filled with triumphs and failures, heartbreak and joy, the profound experience of parenthood, and countless moments of growth—I have perspectives that would have been invaluable to my younger self. These aren’t just platitudes or feel-good quotes; they’re hard-earned truths discovered through real-life experience.

If you’re in your twenties reading this, consider it a gift from someone who’s walked the path ahead of you. If you’re closer to my age, perhaps you’ll nod in recognition, remembering your own journey to these truths. And if you’re somewhere in between, maybe these lessons will offer comfort, guidance, or simply the reassurance that we’re all figuring it out as we go along.

On Self-Worth and Authenticity

Tell the truth, even if it hurts. Honesty isn’t always comfortable, but it’s the foundation of every meaningful relationship you’ll ever have—including the one with yourself. Those little white lies and omissions you think protect people? They usually create more pain in the long run than the temporary discomfort of truth.

You are enough, just as you are. This might be the most important lesson on this entire list. You don’t need to be thinner, smarter, funnier, or more accomplished to be worthy of love and respect. Your worth isn’t contingent on your achievements, your appearance, or other people’s approval. It simply exists because you exist.

You do NOT need to lose five pounds. That obsession with your weight that consumes so much mental energy? It’s robbing you of the joy of being young and healthy. Your body is strong and capable—celebrate what it can do rather than criticizing what it looks like.

Don’t hide your light to make other people feel better. Your intelligence, creativity, and ambition aren’t something to apologize for. When you dim your own brightness to avoid making others uncomfortable, you’re not just shortchanging yourself—you’re depriving the world of your unique gifts.

Normal is way overrated. Those quirks and differences you’re trying to smooth over? They’re what make you interesting, memorable, and authentic. Embrace your weird. The people worth knowing will love you for it, not despite it.

On Relationships and Human Nature

Not everyone will behave like you would. Some people are just broken. This was a hard lesson for me to learn. I spent years assuming everyone operated from the same place of basic kindness and honesty that I did. Understanding that some people are wounded in ways that make them harmful to others will save you years of confusion and hurt.

People will show you who they are. Listen. Maya Angelou’s famous words bear repeating because they’re so crucial. When someone shows you through their actions that they’re unreliable, unkind, or untrustworthy, believe them the first time. Don’t make excuses or wait for them to change.

Tell your Dad you love him, because someday he’ll be gone. Time with our parents is finite, even when they seem invincible. Don’t assume there will always be another opportunity to have that important conversation or share those three little words.

Give your Mom a hug. When you have kids, you’ll understand how much she needs it. Parenthood will give you a completely new perspective on your own parents. The love, worry, pride, and exhaustion they felt? You’ll understand it all in vivid detail once you’re walking in their shoes.

People will like you, or not like you, for reasons you really don’t have any control over. This realization is incredibly freeing. You can’t control others’ opinions, so stop exhausting yourself trying to. Focus your energy on being genuinely yourself with the people who appreciate you for who you are.

On Making Choices and Taking Risks

Put yourself first. It’s okay to say no to things that suck your time and spirit. Learning to set boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and saying yes to everything means saying no to the things that truly matter to you.

Say what you want. No one can read your mind. Clear communication prevents so much unnecessary frustration and resentment. Whether it’s in relationships, at work, or with friends, speaking up about your needs and desires isn’t demanding—it’s healthy.

You need to do the right thing for your soul, not the thing that’s right on paper. That job that looks perfect on your resume but makes you miserable? That relationship that seems ideal but leaves you feeling empty? Trust your instincts over outside expectations.

Be brave. Playing safe serves no one. The biggest regrets in life usually aren’t about the things we tried and failed at—they’re about the chances we were too afraid to take. Calculated risks lead to the most meaningful rewards.

Always take an opportunity for adventure. Say yes to that spontaneous road trip, the invitation to try something new, the chance to explore an unfamiliar place. These experiences shape you in ways you can’t anticipate.

Buy a plane ticket. Travel while you’re young and unencumbered. The world has so much to teach you, and experiencing different cultures, landscapes, and ways of life will expand your perspective immeasurably.

On Resilience and Growth

You’ll be okay. This simple truth applies to every crisis, heartbreak, and challenge you’ll face. Even when life feels overwhelming, you have more strength and resilience than you realize. You’ll not only survive difficult times—you’ll often emerge stronger and wiser.

You’ll mess up. A lot. It’s okay. Perfection isn’t the goal—growth is. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn something valuable about yourself, others, or life in general. The key is to fail forward, extracting wisdom from each stumble.

Life throws you curve balls. Just roll with it. Flexibility and adaptability will serve you better than any rigid five-year plan. The ability to adjust course when circumstances change is one of life’s most valuable skills.

It will pass. This goes for both the good and the bad. The intensity of whatever you’re experiencing right now—whether it’s joy or sorrow—is temporary. This perspective helps you savor the good times while enduring the difficult ones with grace.

The only constant is change. Fighting change is like fighting the tide—exhausting and futile. Learning to surf the waves of change rather than being tumbled by them will make your journey much smoother.

On Practical Wisdom

Someone can have a college degree and still be a fool. Education and intelligence aren’t the same thing. Some of the wisest people you’ll meet never set foot in a university, while some of the most educated lack basic common sense or emotional intelligence.

Don’t invest in Nortel. Okay, this one’s specific to my generation, but the broader lesson applies: be wary of investment bubbles and get-rich-quick schemes. Slow and steady wealth building is boring but effective.

Y2K is really no big deal. Not every crisis the media hypes will actually materialize. Learn to distinguish between genuine concerns and manufactured panic.

Keep a journal. You’ll regret it later if you don’t. Your thoughts, experiences, and emotions are worth documenting. Future you will be grateful for the window into your younger self’s inner world.

On Style and Superficial Things

Put the hairspray down and back away slowly. That helmet of hair isn’t doing you any favours. Natural texture and movement are more flattering than shellacked perfection.

Don’t buy those MC Hammer pants. They are not cool. Some trends are best left in the store. Trust your instincts when something feels like a costume rather than an expression of your personal style.

Crimped hair really isn’t all that flattering. Less is more when it comes to hair manipulation. Embrace your natural texture instead of fighting it with damaging tools and techniques.

Every second you worry about your weight, or your clothes, or your hair, you can never get back. This hits hard because it’s so true. All that mental energy spent on appearance could be redirected toward relationships, experiences, learning, and joy.

On Career and Purpose

Life is far too short to work just for money. Find something you like. Or better yet, love. You’ll spend roughly a third of your adult life at work. Choosing a career solely based on salary is a recipe for decades of misery. Find work that engages your mind, uses your talents, and contributes something meaningful to the world.

Don’t take yourself too seriously. The ability to laugh at yourself and maintain perspective during stressful situations will serve you well in any career. Perfectionism and ego create unnecessary stress and alienate colleagues.

On Joy and Presence

You are not alone. Even in your loneliest moments, remember that millions of others have felt exactly what you’re feeling. Human experiences are surprisingly universal, and there’s comfort in that shared humanity.

There’s always time for chocolate. Small pleasures matter. Don’t postpone joy waiting for some future moment when you’ve “earned” it. Enjoy the simple delights that life offers every day.

Spend more time in the water. Whether it’s the ocean, a lake, or even a bathtub, water has healing properties. It’s where many of us feel most peaceful and connected to something larger than ourselves.

Things don’t matter. People matter. At the end of your life, you won’t remember the brand of your shoes or the thread count of your sheets. You’ll remember the conversations, the laughter, the hugs, and the connections you made with other human beings.

Send Christmas and birthday gifts to your nieces and nephews. These small gestures of love create bonds that last a lifetime. Being the aunt or uncle who remembers special occasions is a role that brings mutual joy for decades.

On Relationships and Boundaries

Dump anyone who’s toxic or a hater right now. Don’t waste a single second on them. Life is too short to spend it with people who drain your energy, undermine your confidence, or bring out the worst in you. Surrounding yourself with supportive, positive people isn’t just pleasant—it’s essential for your mental health and personal growth.

Be kind. Simple kindness opens more doors and creates more opportunities than any other trait. It costs nothing but pays dividends in every aspect of life.

But be tough when you need to be. Kindness doesn’t mean being a doormat. There are times when you need to stand firm in your boundaries, fight for what’s right, or protect yourself or others from harm.

On Time and Perspective

Always trust your intuition. Always. That gut feeling you have about a person, situation, or decision? It’s usually right. Your unconscious mind processes information in ways your conscious mind can’t, and that inner voice is often your wisest advisor.

Go with the flow. It all turns out okay. Resistance to life’s natural rhythms creates unnecessary suffering. When you learn to work with circumstances rather than against them, you’ll find that most situations resolve more smoothly than you expected.

You think you know everything, but you know nothing. But that’s okay. Humility and curiosity will take you further than false confidence. The more you learn, the more you’ll realize how much you don’t know—and that’s exciting, not discouraging.

Life is now. It’s not in the past, or some unforeseeable future. It’s NOW. This present moment is the only one you truly have. While it’s important to learn from the past and plan for the future, don’t let either rob you of the gift of today.

The Greater Picture

As I look back on these 45 lessons, I’m struck by how many of them center around self-acceptance, authentic relationships, and presence in the moment. These weren’t lessons I learned all at once—they came gradually, sometimes painfully, through lived experience.

If I could sit down with my 20-year-old self for coffee, I think she’d be surprised by some of these insights. She was so focused on achieving, impressing, and arriving at some imagined destination of adulthood where everything would finally make sense. What I wish I could tell her is that the journey itself is the destination, and that the messiness, uncertainty, and imperfection she was so anxious to escape are actually the ingredients of a rich, meaningful life.

The beauty of hindsight is that it allows us to see the patterns and connections that weren’t visible while we were living through each experience. Every heartbreak taught me something about love. Every failure showed me something about resilience. Every joy reminded me what truly matters.

To anyone reading this who’s still navigating their twenties, thirties, or beyond: be gentle with yourself. You’re exactly where you need to be, learning exactly what you need to learn. Trust the process, embrace the uncertainty, and remember that every person who seems to have it all figured out is simply at a different point on their own journey of discovery.

The most profound truth I’ve learned is this: life isn’t about avoiding mistakes or achieving some perfect version of yourself. It’s about showing up authentically, loving deeply, and remaining open to growth and change. Everything else is just details.

And to my 20-year-old self, if she could somehow read this: thank you for your dreams, your optimism, and your willingness to take those first uncertain steps into the unknown. Every choice you made, every mistake you stumbled through, every joy you embraced led to this moment—and despite all the twists and turns, it turned out beautifully.