Though it may not always seem like it, kids can handle defeat at even a young age. It just takes a little bit of training and the right approach from parents.

Eight-year-old Joseph was having a blast playing Uno with his family until he forgot to call “Uno!” on his last card. That small technicality cost him the game, and his disappointment boiled over into a full meltdown. After being sent to his room to cool down, he returned five minutes later, ready to try again with a game of Sorry!.

But when Joseph lost that game too—this time in a nail-bitingly close match against his dad—his frustration erupted again. This time, he smashed the game board in anger. “We talked to him about good sportsmanship—that it is not okay to do that in a game ever,” recalls his mom, Laura from Bowmanville, Ontario. “I think part of Joseph’s issue is that he really doesn’t like to be wrong about anything.”

Sound familiar? If you’re dealing with a child who struggles with losing, you’re not alone. The good news is that kids this age absolutely can learn to handle defeat gracefully—it just takes patience, practice, and the right approach from parents.

Understanding Why Losing Is So Hard for Kids

Before we dive into solutions, it’s important to understand why losing feels so devastating to children between ages six and ten. During these years, kids are developing their sense of self and beginning to compare themselves to others more intensely. They’re also encountering more structured competition as games become more rule-based and scoring becomes a regular part of their activities.

Developmentally, children at this age:

• Have strong emotional reactions but limited coping skills
• Think in black-and-white terms (win = good, lose = bad)
• Are still learning emotional regulation
• May take losses as personal failures rather than natural outcomes
• Want desperately to please parents and may see losses as disappointing them

“This doesn’t mean that a six- to eight-year-old will necessarily act gracefully when losing,” notes Alex Russell, a Toronto-based clinical psychologist and co-author of Drop the Worry Ball: How to Parent in the Age of Entitlement. “But they can definitely learn these skills with practice and support.”

The Power of Validation: “It’s Okay to Be Unhappy”

Let’s be honest—losing isn’t fun for anyone. “Losing sucks,” says Russell bluntly. “Even for adults.” This reality becomes particularly challenging for kids aged six to eight as more competition and formal scoring enters their world through organized sports, board games, and playground activities.

The key is not to pretend that losing doesn’t hurt or brush off your child’s feelings with overly cheerful responses. “To just say something sappy like ‘Did you enjoy yourself?’ is silly,” explains Kathy Lynn, a Vancouver-based parenting expert and author of Who’s In Charge Anyway?

What to Do in the Moment

When your child has a meltdown after losing, resist the urge to immediately launch into a lesson about good sportsmanship. Instead:

Give them time and space: “You’re not going to be able to teach them how to be a good loser in that very moment,” Russell advises. While you shouldn’t allow destructive behaviour like breaking game pieces, you also don’t need to comment on every emotional outburst.

Offer empathy without fixing: If your seven-year-old is complaining about a “bad call” on the car ride home, focus on acknowledging their feelings. “Now is not the time to teach,” Russell emphasizes. “Try to focus on the sentiment rather than their actual words. They’re upset, frustrated, disappointed—and that’s completely understandable.”

Save the lessons for later: There will be plenty of opportunities to discuss respectful behaviour toward referees, teammates, and opponents when emotions aren’t running high.

Common Parental Mistakes to Avoid

Don’t do a post-game analysis: While it might seem helpful to review what went wrong, this often increases a child’s frustration and sense of failure. That’s the coach’s job, not yours.

Avoid rushing to console: Sometimes children handle losses better than we expect, until our worried faces and immediate consolation suggest they should be upset.

Don’t dismiss their feelings: Phrases like “It’s just a game” minimize their experience and don’t help them develop coping skills.

Building Resilience Through Home Practice

The foundation of good sportsmanship isn’t built on game day—it’s developed through countless small moments at home. Family game time provides the perfect, low-stakes environment for children to experience both winning and losing while learning appropriate responses to each outcome.

Creating the Right Balance

“It’s important for children to experience losses at home—and not just once in a blue moon,” Lynn emphasizes. The goal is to create opportunities where children win roughly half the time, so they develop realistic expectations about outcomes.

Strategies for balanced play:

• Give younger children slight advantages (extra dice rolls, head starts)
• Choose games that involve both skill and chance
• Play cooperative games where everyone wins or loses together
• Rotate who goes first or gets special privileges
• Ensure siblings of different ages have equal chances of success

Modeling Good Sportsmanship

Children learn more from what they see than what they hear. When you’re playing games together, demonstrate the behaviour you want to see:

When you win:

• Be gracious and humble
• Acknowledge good moves by other players
• Thank everyone for a fun game
• Avoid excessive celebration

When you lose:

• Show disappointment without drama
• Congratulate the winner genuinely
• Point out something positive about your own play
• Express interest in playing again

Language that helps:

• “Good game, everyone!”
• “That was a great move you made”
• “I’m disappointed, but I had fun playing”
• “You really earned that win”
• “Want to play again?”

Preparing Kids for Real-World Competition

Home practice is invaluable, but it’s also important to prepare children for losses in more public settings where emotions might run higher and the stakes feel bigger.

Pre-Game Preparation

Before heading to a sporting event, tournament, or even a playdate involving competitive activities, have a brief conversation about possibilities and expectations.

Try this script: “Today’s game should be really fun. The other team has been practicing hard, just like you have. What do you think you’ll say to them if they win? What if we win? How can we show respect for everyone who’s playing?”

Role-play scenarios:

• Practice saying “Good game” with appropriate tone
• Discuss what to do if a referee makes a call they disagree with
• Talk about how to support teammates who are struggling
• Practice walking away if opponents say something unsportsmanlike

Teaching the Bigger Picture

Help children understand that sports and games serve purposes beyond winning:

Emphasize process over outcome:

• “I noticed how you kept trying even when you were behind”
• “Your passing really improved during that game”
• “You showed great teamwork out there”
• “I’m proud of how you encouraged your teammates”

Discuss character building:

• “Games help us practice being brave when things are hard”
• “Learning to lose gracefully shows real maturity”
• “Every athlete faces defeats—it’s how you respond that matters”

Age-Appropriate Expectations

Different ages require different approaches to sportsmanship education:

Ages 4-6: Foundation Building

• Focus on fun and participation over winning
• Introduce basic concepts like taking turns and saying “good game”
• Keep games short and simple
• Celebrate effort and improvement
• Don’t keep formal scores

Ages 7-9: Skill Development

• Begin discussing fairness and rules
• Introduce more complex games with clear winners and losers
• Start teaching specific phrases and behaviours for winning and losing
• Address cheating and rule-breaking directly
• Help them understand that everyone loses sometimes

Ages 10-12: Character Refinement

• Expect more consistent good sportsmanship
• Discuss leadership and setting examples for younger players
• Address more complex issues like trash-talking and gamesmanship
• Help them support teammates and opponents
• Connect sportsmanship to broader life values

Reading Your Child’s Cues

Every child processes competition differently, and successful parents learn to read their individual child’s needs and responses.

Following Their Lead

Russell and Lynn both stress the importance of not projecting your own feelings onto your child’s experience. “Kids sometimes don’t care that much until they see how their parents are acting,” Lynn observes.

She recalls driving her ten-year-old son and two teammates home from a football game they’d lost badly. She was prepared to offer consolation and encouragement, but when the boys got in the car, they were excitedly discussing plays they were proud of and strategies for next time. Her intervention would have been unnecessary and might have dampened their positive attitude.

Signs Your Child Needs Support

Immediate red flags:

• Physical aggression toward people or property
• Verbal abuse of opponents, teammates, or officials
• Refusing to participate in end-of-game rituals
• Complete emotional shutdown
• Blaming others exclusively for losses

Longer-term concerns:

• Avoiding competitive activities entirely
• Persistent anxiety before games or competitions
• Sleep or appetite changes around competitive events
• Declining academic performance due to sports stress
• Loss of friendships over competitive issues

When to Seek Additional Help

Most children will have occasional difficulties with losing, but some signs indicate a need for professional support:

• Extreme reactions that don’t improve over time
• Anxiety that interferes with daily functioning
• Aggressive behaviour that escalates or spreads to other settings
• Complete loss of enjoyment in previously loved activities
• Perfectionist tendencies that cause significant distress

A family counsellor or child psychologist can help identify whether underlying issues like anxiety, perfectionism, or self-esteem problems are contributing to sportsmanship struggles.

Creating a Family Culture of Good Sportsmanship

The most effective approach to teaching good sportsmanship involves creating a family environment where these values are lived daily, not just discussed during crisis moments.

Establishing Family Values

Have explicit conversations about what your family stands for:

Core values might include:

• Respect for all participants
• Effort over outcome
• Learning from mistakes
• Supporting others
• Gracious winning and losing
• Fun as the primary goal

Celebrating Character Over Victories

Make sure your praise and attention reinforce the behaviours you want to see:

Instead of: “You’re the best player on the team!” Try: “I’m proud of how you helped your teammate when they were struggling.”

Instead of: “Winning is everything!” Try: “Playing your best and showing respect—that’s what champions do.”

Addressing Setbacks Constructively

When your child has a sportsmanship failure, use it as a learning opportunity:

1. Cool down period: Wait until emotions settle before discussing what happened
2. Acknowledge feelings: “You were really frustrated when that happened”
3. Discuss impact: “How do you think the other players felt when you said that?”
4. Problem-solve together: “What could you do differently next time?”
5. Make amends if needed: “Would you like to write an apology note to your teammate?”
6. Practice alternatives: Role-play better responses for similar situations

The Long-Term Benefits

Teaching good sportsmanship isn’t just about making games more pleasant—you’re building crucial life skills that will serve your child well beyond the playing field.

Children who develop good sportsmanship typically show:

• Better emotional regulation in stressful situations
• Stronger friendships and social skills
• Increased resilience when facing challenges
• Greater empathy and consideration for others
• More realistic self-assessment abilities
• Better conflict resolution skills
• Increased enjoyment of competitive activities

Making It Stick: Consistency Is Key

Remember that learning good sportsmanship is an ongoing process, not a one-time lesson. Children will have good days and bad days, successful applications of their skills and frustrating setbacks.

Stay patient and consistent by:

• Recognizing that progress isn’t always linear
• Celebrating small improvements
• Maintaining your own good sportsmanship as a parent
• Focusing on effort and attitude over perfect behaviour
• Remembering that even professional athletes sometimes struggle with these skills

The goal isn’t to raise a child who never feels disappointed by losing—that’s neither realistic nor healthy. Instead, you’re helping them develop the tools to handle disappointment gracefully, learn from setbacks, and maintain their love of competition and games throughout their life.

With time, practice, and your supportive guidance, your child can learn that being a good sport isn’t about winning or losing—it’s about showing respect, demonstrating character, and finding joy in the effort itself.