What kindergarten teachers and experienced parents wish they’d known before that first day

Starting kindergarten represents a major milestone for both children and parents. Despite all the preparation and anticipation, many parents discover that reality differs significantly from their expectations. We spoke with veteran kindergarten teachers and experienced parents to debunk the most common misconceptions about this important transition.

Myth #1: Tears When You Drop Her Off Mean Your Child Is Having Trouble Leaving You

Teacher truth: Separation anxiety is a two-way street.

Parent revelation: It’s not them; it’s you.

“I think the one thing that parents know and expect, but still find surprising, is just how quickly your kids want to be free from you,” says Carrie Anne Badov of Toronto, who will send her third and youngest child off to kindergarten this fall. “Sometimes I drop my older son off and he’s gone before I can even say anything. I’m left standing in the schoolyard, saying goodbye to air.”

Tricia Yoshiki-Palumbo, a kindergarten teacher in Brampton, Ontario, says some parents react poorly to the separation—they’re the ones who peek through windows, stand in line alongside their child holding their hand, or, in some cases, walk right into the classroom. “Sometimes you have to tell them, ‘You can’t stay here. You need to leave.’”

The truth is, kids who may have tears at the gate are usually all smiles by circle time. And really, especially for kids in half-day kindergarten programs, they won’t be gone long enough to miss you (or vice versa) too terribly.

“I wish I’d realized or had someone point out how short two hours is,” says Jennifer Hicks, a Toronto mom of Liam, 11, Connor, 9, and Rylan, 5. “I can remember sending my kids off to school and thinking, ‘Oh, finally they’ll go to school; I’ll have so much time to myself.’ God, by the time you drop the kids off, get home and put away a few things, it’s time to go pick them up again.”

Myth #2: Kids Who Can Read, Write and Count Before Kindergarten Are Better Prepared Than Those Who Can’t

Teacher truth: It doesn’t matter what skills the kids come in with; it’s what they leave with at the end of the one- or two-year kindergarten program that counts.

Parent revelation: Stressing out over a child who isn’t ready to learn is pointless.

“Don’t have your three-year-old sit down for half an hour to practice his letters,” says 21-year veteran kindergarten teacher Barb Gorman of Newmarket, Ontario. Instead, encourage him to recognize his name and the letters within it. Being able to write it isn’t even necessary, as fine motor skill muscles may not be fully developed yet.

And the end goal is the completion of senior, not junior (if offered), kindergarten. Tara Truscott admits she was worried when her second child wasn’t writing well before going into junior kindergarten.

“My four-year-old daughter, Chantal, (now eight) could write her name when she went to JK. My son Caleb started JK last September and couldn’t. He couldn’t write his name until about January,” says the Markham, Ontario, mom. “In May I got a Mother’s Day card from him that said ‘I love you Mom.’ I was just like… He can do it now. It just happened all of a sudden. He can write his name a reasonable size, even though his ‘I love you’ is huge.”

What matters more than academics:

• Social skills and ability to interact with peers
• Following simple directions
• Basic self-care (toileting, washing hands, managing outerwear)
• Ability to sit and listen for short periods
• Willingness to try new things
• Managing emotions appropriately

Myth #3: Getting Ready for School Starts the Night Before

Teacher truth: There’s plenty you can and should do with your preschooler long before you drop him off for his first day.

Parent revelation: Starting early helps everyone.

Some kids who have not attended daycare or preschool may find the busy classroom environment overwhelming, say teachers. “If you have time now, take them to social groups or playgroups to get used to taking turns, sharing and being around other children,” suggests Anna Kujaristi, who has been teaching kindergarten for five years in Markham, Ontario.

Yoshiki-Palumbo, whose school hosts a lemonade party for incoming kindergarten students, agrees. “It’s usually the ones who have never had an in-school experience at all who are crying and puking in September.”

Another skill you can practice at home? Listening. Turns out many parents are so focused on trying to get their child to read that they’ve stopped reading to them. Then when the child gets to school, he finds it hard to sit and listen to the teacher. “Sometimes you’re mid-story and they just get up and walk away,” Kujaristi laughs.

Parents whose first language is not English should read in their native tongue if they are more comfortable, Gorman adds. “What we’re trying to do is teach the enjoyment of a book, listening to a story being told, turning the pages, looking at the pictures and discussing the book.”

Practical preparation activities:

• Regular library visits to build book familiarity and library behavior
• Playdates with multiple children to practice social skills
• Practice following multi-step directions at home
• Encourage independence in dressing, toileting, and eating
• Discuss what school will be like to build anticipation
• Visit the school playground during summer if accessible
• Establish consistent bedtime and morning routines before school starts

Myth #4: As a Parent, You’re Still in Charge

Teacher truth: We share responsibility for your child’s education.

Parent revelation: There’s a new sheriff in town.

“All of a sudden I had this new authority figure who had come into our lives and was in charge, even at home. I didn’t know that would happen in kindergarten,” confesses Badov. Hicks was surprised too. “The teachers certainly become a very important influence in the kids’ lives at that age,” she says.

Gorman admits that she’s aware of the influence she has over her students’ lives at home and at school. “The neat thing about kindergarten is that, as teachers, we’re probably the first non-family adult they build a very strong bond with,” she says.

But parents would do well to think of the new relationship as an alliance as opposed to a challenge: Keeping lines of communication open and teachers informed about developmental or emotional issues (everything from bedwetting to a death in the family) at home will help them help your child at school.

“We all want the kids to succeed,” adds Gorman. “We want this to be a team effort so the child is getting the same message at home and at school.”

Building a positive parent-teacher partnership:

• Respond promptly to teacher communications
• Share relevant information about your child’s needs, interests, and challenges
• Attend parent-teacher conferences and school events when possible
• Support school rules and routines at home
• Ask questions when you don’t understand something
• Approach concerns with curiosity rather than accusation
• Recognize that teachers see your child in a different context than you do
• Trust that teachers want the best for your child

Myth #5: Everything He’ll Need to Know He’ll Learn in Kindergarten

Teacher truth: Well, almost everything. There’s still some things to learn at home.

Parent revelation: You’ll learn as much as they will.

Not all of your child’s learning will happen in the classroom. “I think sometimes parents are surprised at how much involvement and responsibility they have to have,” says Hicks. “It’s not all going to happen in those two short hours a day. You still have to be reading to your kids every night if you want them to enjoy books; you have to be talking to them about what they’re watching on TV if you want them to be sociable.”

And while you may think kindergarten is as good a place as any for your child to learn algebra, trust that the teachers know how to keep your child on pace for a lifetime of learning that is both academic and social and follow their cues to help out at home.

What parents still need to teach:

• Values, character, and ethical behavior
• Family traditions and cultural identity
• Emotional regulation and coping strategies
• Respect for others and empathy
• Responsibility and work ethic
• Love of learning and curiosity
• Problem-solving in real-life situations
• How to be a good friend and family member

Ways to support learning at home:

• Read together daily
• Talk about your child’s day and listen actively
• Play games that teach turn-taking, counting, and problem-solving
• Encourage questions and explore answers together
• Limit screen time and engage in active play
• Model the behaviors and attitudes you want to see
• Celebrate effort, not just achievement
• Create consistent routines that value both learning and rest

Additional Myths Worth Mentioning

Myth: Kindergarten Is Just Play and Fun

Reality: While play-based learning is crucial, kindergarten is academically rigorous. Children begin learning foundational literacy and numeracy skills, develop social-emotional competencies, and build executive function skills. Play is the vehicle for learning, not a break from it.

Myth: My Child Will Make Friends Immediately

Reality: Some children form friendships quickly, while others need time to warm up and observe before engaging. Both patterns are normal. Friendship skills develop throughout the year with guidance and practice.

Myth: If My Child Can’t Sit Still, They’re Not Ready for Kindergarten

Reality: Five-year-olds are naturally active and have limited attention spans. Good kindergarten programs incorporate movement, hands-on learning, and frequent transitions. Children develop self-regulation skills throughout the year.

Myth: Kindergarten Is Too Much Pressure on Young Kids

Reality: Developmentally appropriate kindergarten programs balance structure with play, learning with rest, and challenge with support. Pressure typically comes from misaligned expectations, not the kindergarten experience itself.

The Bottom Line

Kindergarten represents a significant transition for families. Understanding common myths helps parents approach this milestone with realistic expectations, appropriate preparation, and confidence in both their child and the educational process.

Remember that every child’s kindergarten experience is unique. Your child will develop skills at their own pace, form relationships in their own way, and navigate challenges with your support and their teacher’s guidance. The kindergarten year sets the foundation not just for academic success, but for a lifelong approach to learning, relationships, and self-understanding.

Trust the process, communicate openly with teachers, support your child emotionally, and celebrate this exciting new chapter in your family’s story.