Essential etiquette for supporting families with newborns
These practical and sometimes humorous tips help visitors provide genuine support rather than adding to the chaos of those early weeks with a newborn.
We’ve expanded on these principles to help friends and family become truly helpful guests rather than well-meaning visitors who inadvertently create more work for exhausted parents.
1. Bring Food—Always
New parents have virtually no time to cook while occupied with feeding, changing, nursing, walking, and rocking their wailing infant. Arriving with a meal, prepared snacks, or groceries represents one of the most valuable contributions you can make.
What works best: Complete meals in disposable containers that don’t need to be returned, pre-washed fruit and vegetables, frozen casseroles with reheating instructions, or gift cards to restaurants that deliver. Avoid foods requiring significant assembly or dishes that need to be washed and returned, which creates additional tasks for already overwhelmed parents.
2. Keep Your Visit Brief
New parents are exhausted, recovering from childbirth, and adjusting to overwhelming new responsibilities. While they appreciate your excitement about meeting the baby, lengthy visits drain their limited energy reserves.
The sweet spot: Plan for 30-45 minutes maximum unless the parents specifically invite you to stay longer. Watch for signs of fatigue, and excuse yourself gracefully when you notice them. Parents often feel obligated to play host even when they’re desperate for rest, so take the initiative to end your visit at an appropriate time.
3. Don’t Expect to Be Entertained
You’re visiting to support the parents, not the other way around. Don’t expect them to prepare refreshments, make conversation, or serve as hosts. Come prepared to be self-sufficient.
Better approach: Bring your own beverage if you’d like something to drink. If they offer hospitality, politely decline unless they genuinely seem energized by hostessing. Make your visit about them, not about your comfort or entertainment.
4. Offer Specific, Practical Help
“Let me know if you need anything” sounds supportive but rarely results in parents actually asking for assistance. They’re too tired to think clearly about what would help, and they feel uncomfortable imposing on others.
More effective: Offer specific assistance like “I’m going to unload your dishwasher” or “I’d like to do a load of laundry—where should I start?” or “I’m running to the grocery store; what can I pick up for you?” This approach makes it easy for parents to accept help without feeling like they’re asking for favors.
5. Respect Their Schedule and Routines
Newborns operate on unpredictable schedules, and parents are desperately trying to establish some semblance of routine. Surprise visits, even with good intentions, can disrupt carefully orchestrated nap times or feeding schedules.
The right way: Always call or text before visiting, and be prepared to reschedule if the timing doesn’t work. Respect that parents may need to cancel or cut visits short if the baby has a difficult day. Your flexibility demonstrates genuine support.
6. Don’t Make Out With the Baby
This one might seem obvious, but bears repeating: kissing babies—particularly newborns—on the face or hands poses health risks. Infants have immature immune systems, and infections that cause minor symptoms in adults can be serious or even life-threatening for newborns.
Safe practices: Admire from a respectful distance, avoid touching the baby’s face and hands, and absolutely don’t visit if you’re ill or recently exposed to illness. If you do hold the baby, wash your hands thoroughly first.
7. Skip the Advice Unless Specifically Asked
New parents receive overwhelming amounts of unsolicited advice, much of it contradictory. Unless they directly request your input, assume they’re already receiving plenty of guidance from healthcare providers, family members, and the internet.
What helps instead: Offer empathy, share your own vulnerable experiences if asked, and validate how challenging this transition can be. Phrases like “You’re doing a great job” or “This phase is so hard” provide more valuable support than suggestions about sleep training or feeding methods.
8. Make Yourself Useful
The best visitors look for ways to lighten the parents’ load. Scan the environment for tasks that need attention and tackle them without being asked.
Examples of helpful actions: Wash dishes, tidy the living room, fold laundry, take out trash, walk the dog, play with older siblings, water plants, or prepare a simple meal. These contributions provide tangible relief while allowing parents to focus on the baby.
9. Refrain From Illicit Drug Use During Your Visit
Yes, this actually needs to be stated. New parents’ homes should be safe, healthy environments for their newborns. Any activity that impairs your judgment, creates secondhand exposure, or violates their household rules is unacceptable.
Basic respect: Follow all household rules regarding smoking, alcohol consumption, and any other substances. If you can’t visit without engaging in behaviors that make parents uncomfortable, postpone your visit until you can.
10. Understand You’re Not the Priority Right Now
Your excitement about meeting the baby, your desire to cuddle the newborn, your need to take photos—none of these take precedence over the parents’ wellbeing and the baby’s needs. This moment is about supporting the family, not satisfying your own wishes.
The right mindset: Approach your visit as a service mission rather than a social call. If you get to hold the baby, consider it a bonus rather than an expectation. If the parents seem overwhelmed and you spend your entire visit doing dishes without holding the baby at all, you’ve still accomplished something valuable.
Additional Considerations for Being a Truly Helpful Visitor
Respect Feeding Decisions
Whether parents are breastfeeding, formula feeding, or combining both approaches, their feeding method is none of your business unless they invite discussion. Never comment on feeding choices, offer unsolicited advice, or make comparisons to how you or others fed their babies.
Be Mindful of Photography
While you’re excited to document meeting the baby, parents may have strong feelings about photos being taken or shared on social media. Always ask permission before photographing the baby or posting pictures online. Respect their preferences even if you don’t understand them.
Consider the Entire Family
If there are older siblings, they’re experiencing major adjustments too. Bringing small gifts for older children or spending time engaging with them can ease their transition and reduce the parents’ guilt about divided attention.
Recognize Postpartum Recovery
Remember that the person who gave birth is recovering from a significant physical event. Whether the delivery was vaginal or cesarean, their body is healing. Don’t expect them to be up and energetic, and certainly don’t make comments about their appearance, weight, or recovery timeline.
Know When to Step Back
Some parents crave company and conversation during the newborn phase, while others need quiet and solitude. Pay attention to cues about what type of support this particular family needs, and don’t take it personally if they need space rather than visitors.
The Bottom Line
Visiting new parents is about supporting them through an overwhelming life transition, not about satisfying your own excitement about the baby. The most memorable and appreciated visitors are those who lighten the load, respect boundaries, keep visits brief, and provide practical help without expecting anything in return.
If you follow these guidelines, you’ll be the visitor that parents actually look forward to seeing rather than the one they dread having to accommodate. Your thoughtfulness during this vulnerable time will be remembered long after the newborn phase has passed.
Feel free to forward this article to friends and family members who are planning to visit after your baby arrives. Setting clear expectations helps everyone provide better support while protecting your family’s needs during this precious and challenging time.