I always swore I wouldn’t be one of those women—judging, mean and unnecessary—but sometimes I just can’t help myself. However, it’s not you I’m judging. I don’t care that your toddler is tantruming or that she’s wearing a summer dress and gumboots; you simply provide the prompts that allow me to pass judgment on myself. I see “you” everywhere and I can’t help but wonder how it is that you can be so fit, so organized, so stylish, so perfectly put together, and, worse, I question why I can’t be all those things, too.

It starts as praise: WOW, that mom looks amazing.

Then a question: I wonder how she finds the time to work out.

Then a justification: If I had time to work out, I could look like that.

Then reality: If I had the time, I probably wouldn’t work out and I certainly wouldn’t look like that.

And that’s when the judgment kicks in.

I may never again have the time to work out four days a week like I did when I was in college and my body will certainly never resume that particular shape, but that’s okay. Somewhere along the line I realized that my life and my priorities had shifted, and although there are moments when I long for the carefree life (moments when I let my ego get the best of me), the truth is, I love my life just as it is.

As we age, it’s essential that we allow ourselves the opportunity to continue our own personal evolution. Self-acceptance is key, as is the realization that although we change, who we were will always be a part of who we are and more importantly, who we will become.

I love my boys with all my heart, and if working out or other similar endeavours must be set aside to ensure adequate time to play, to learn, to love and to laugh, then I’m more than willing to make that trade-off. That being said, in order to be a happy momma, I need to be a satisfied woman and there is much more to me than just my kids. By taking the time to enjoy the little things that bring me joy, writing on my blog, reading a book, sewing or simply drinking a cup of coffee with friends or family helps me to maintain the delicate balance that exists between me as an individual and me as a mom.

In the fleeting moments when I find myself sliding back into a judgmental state, I simply stop and take stock of all the wondrousness in my life. I never had a grand plan for my future; I knew I wanted a job, a family and a home, and by embracing these exact facets of my life, my judgment washes away, leaving me with a husband I love, children I adore, a cozy home and a job that leaves me feeling empowered and satisfied.

All that’s left is bliss.

Amber Smith is a mom of two boys who reviews products and blogs about life as a full-time working mom at mommastuffblog.com.

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