Who knew that pregnancy would be mired in so many secrets? At almost every stage of conception and pregnancy, there is some element of asking yourself “Should I tell?”. And each of these stages comes with its own concerns and emotions.
At the beginning, it’s whether or not you share that you’re trying to conceive. Then comes the decision around when you share the fact that you’re pregnant. After that, it’s about whether or not you find out the sex, and whether you tell people. And finally, people want to know if you have a name picked out, and if you do, will you share it?
This last one is particularly tricky, especially if you’re in a situation—like me—when many friends are also pregnant or trying or already have little ones. Share the wrong name at the wrong time, and a friend could tell you they love the name too and proclaim it “theirs.” It seems petty, but it happens (not with my friends, happily, but I’ve heard stories). Never mind the well-meaning folks who tell you that they “knew a guy named *insertbabynamehere* and he was a total asshole” or people who say things like “Isn’t that a stripper name?”. So, to avoid all manner of name-related awkwardness, I’ve put a no-name-sharing rule in effect. I just don’t talk about baby names.
As for the other secrets? I kept the actual pregnancy news to immediate family and close friends until I was through the first trimester, and when we know whether we’re having a boy or girl, we’ll be happy to share. But the baby’s name? We’ve decided that the baby will be the first to know.
Which secrets did you keep during your pregnancy? Any lessons learned?
—Megan, executive editor of CF.ca and pregnant secret-keeper (sort of)
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