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Archive for the ‘Rants & Rambles’ Category

Defending the Decision to Raise an Only Child

Photography by Carlo Mendoza

Like many parents of only children, Laura Poce often finds herself having to explain her and her husband’s decision to stop having kids after their son Zachary was born.

“Why not give Zachary a little brother or sister?”

“Do you want him to grow up alone?”

“How will he adjust when around other kids?”

Poce has heard it all, and more, and wrote about her experiences defending her decision to raise an only child for Canadian Family. To read Poce’s article, click here.

Many of our readers have also had to deal with unsolicited parenting advice. Have you? Read what some of our readers have had to say, and feel free to leave a comment on your own experiences below:

“At first I would try to explain my choices, but that never worked. Sometimes they just felt they had kids before me, therefore they were right and I was wrong. Now I have learned to smile, say thank you and move on. I only ask for advice when I really need it from moms I really trust.”  – Connie Del Basso, mom of Danila, 1, Melbourne, Ontario.

“First, I try to understand if they are being judgmental or sincerely helpful. That makes a big difference. If they are trying to be helpful, I try to take their advice to heart because, let’s be honest, much of your parenting techniques involve intuition, trial and error. It’s a different story, however, if the tone is judgmental. I will defend my position, thank them for their advice and carry on. There are also those people in the middle who defy a parent’s position even after you have said ‘No’ for various reasons—the perfect stranger who invites your child to pet her dog with a promise that he doesn’t bite; the aunt who says ‘come on Mom, let them stay up late just once.’ These acts send a message that says ‘don’t listen to your parent, we have something more fun this way.” - Sue Hutton, mom of Jenna, 10, and Alyssa, 7, Sherwood Park, Alberta.

“When someone offers advice or opinions I usually thank them and let them know that what we are doing is working for us. At the end of the day, that’s what really maters; that my husband and I have done our research, spoken with our support group (GP and friends,) and have come to our own educated conclusions.” – Kendra Michael, mom of six-month-old Julian, Toronto.

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Kids’ Food Allergies Aren’t Nuts

Photo by Carlo Mendoza

Despite recent coverage that says otherwise, it’s essential to be vigilant about food allergies in schools. In a don’t-do-what-I-did narrative featured in the April 2010 issue—available on newsstands March 15th—CF’s editor-in-chief Jen Reynolds tells the story of how she discovered her son has a life-threatening allergy to peanuts:

I was sitting in the hairdresser’s chair when I first read the story. I was getting a full head of high and lowlights done, so I brought copies of the December 2009 issue of Chatelaine and a new issue of The New Yorker, and set a challenge for myself to see if I could get through every word before I was blonde again. It was halfway through when my face turned beet red and the colourist stopped quickly, wondering if I was having some kind of allergic reaction to the hair dye. It turned out I was having a reaction to Chatelaine’s story about food allergies, specifically peanut allergies—a subject very close to my heart.

For anyone who hasn’t read the piece, its author, Patricia Pearson, accuses parents of overestimating and overreacting to the threat that food allergies pose to children. She questions the prevalence of peanut allergies, the accuracy of allergy tests and the decision to make schools peanut-free. Basically, in a whiny I’m-hard-done-by-because-my-son-who-is-a-picky-eater-can’t-bring-a-PB&J-sandwich-to-school tone, she manages to offend everyone with a life-threatening food allergy—and those who care about people with that condition.

Not surprisingly, the magazine’s website has 629 comments responding to the article, most of them condemning the piece from parents of anaphylactic kids. (According to Statistics Canada, close to 90,000 kids are allergic to peanuts.) On cbc.ca, a well-crafted, fact-filled response from Allergic Living magazine’s editor Gwen Smith solicited another 263 comments echoing a similar disdain for the Chatelaine article. Pearson’s account, says Smith, “skewers the hard-won accommodations in schools to protect food-allergic children, confuses facts and statistics, and never pauses to speak to a principal or a parent of a child who has experienced anaphylaxis, the most serious form of allergic reaction.”

As a mom of a school-age son with an anaphylactic peanut allergy, I agree with Smith and find Pearson’s comments disheartening, irresponsible and dangerous.

To read how Jen discovered her son’s allergy, the mistakes she and her husband made when treating it and what she’s learned as a result, click here.

This article and other hot button topics including infidelity, teaching morality in schools, sex, lying to your kids and how TV and video games are actually good for your kids are all in the April 2010 issue on newsstands March 15th.

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Her: “I want a sister!” Me: “Ummmmm…”

photo by mtungate via flickr (cc)

My family is a family of three. My husband, my daughter and me. I often refer to us as a sandwich—we are the bread and Charlotte is the cheese. Recently she asked if she could have a brother or sister because “they could be the ham in our sandwich.” Ouch.

I have had this conversation with her before. My girl is an only child. That is not changing for oh-so-many reasons (sorry in-laws). When I asked her why she wanted a sibling, she said she really wanted an older sister. Hmmm. Not possible. So I reminded her of all the wonderful older girls she knows, especially my goddaughter and her sister, who dote on Charlotte whenever the families get together.

Nonetheless, it felt a little like even my daughter was questioning my husband’s and my decision to have just one child.

I guess we’ll have to get her a cat. Maybe we’ll name him “Ham”.

—Robin, CF senior editor

You’ve found Foofa, the second character in our Yo Gabba Gabba! Live! Ticket Hunt!

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Family Literacy Day—Why Your Local Public Library Matters

Photo from sxc.hu

Photo by Bies via sxc.hu

My family is a big fan of our local public library. Every Saturday after my daughter’s swimming lesson we hit the one in our community centre. We don’t rush. My girl likes to chat with the regulars we see there every week before heading for the books. Sometimes she’ll plunk down on the floor to look through a few that have piqued her interest, other times she’ll know exactly what she is looking for and scoop it up. Other times we’ll sit and read our choices side-by-side in our branch’s big lounge-type chairs. Then she’ll give the DVD rack a once over to see if there is anything new. With her own library card in hand she checks out her own selections—powerful stuff for a five-year-old.

While improving your child’s literacy can be done anywhere—reading a menu, making a shopping list—and at any time, a trip to the library can make reading part of an experience. In fact, most branches host story times for babies and toddlers, bring in guest readers or hold book clubs for school-aged kids, and host a number of events throughout the year for families who want to make reading a priority in their child’s life. Contact your local branch; you might be surprised by what they offer.

And for tips and activities to encourage family literacy, click here.

Robin, CF’s senior editor

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Three’s a Crowd?

Photo by sxc.hu

Photo by sxc.hu

Managing friendships is hard. Even when you’re only five years old, as my daughter discovered yesterday.

My girl was lucky enough to click with a little girl, “L”, right off the bat last year. Both were in daycare together and the same JK class. Charlotte has named dolls after this friend. She writes her cards. They give each other big hugs and do that girly scream thing when they see each other. They are BFFs.

This year, while the two are still together in daycare in the afternoon, “L” goes to French Immersion SK in the morning, while Charlotte is in the English SK. This is where “E” comes in. “E” is also in French Immersion and afternoon daycare. She says she and “L” are best friends. Charlotte begs to differ. I have heard many stories about how “E” tells “L” to leave Charlotte out of things. I remind Charlotte that she has LOADS of friends. I know this because not a week goes by that a different small fry doesn’t ask me when they can have a playdate with Charlotte.

However, this friend triangle dilemma came to a head yesterday afternoon. The daycare teacher told us that both Charlotte and “E” had been jostling for a spot near “L” in the home centre. Push came to shove. Both girls claim the other started it. No matter. Both are not allowed in the home centre for the rest of the week. That’s the equivalent to hard time to the daycare set.

The thing is, Charlotte likes “E”, they’ve attended each other’s birthday parties and they do play well together. But when you add “L” into the mix, well, things get dicey. Poor “L”. She is the loveliest kid. I can see why they both want her as their friend. She’s also going to grow up to be gorgeous, so I can only imagine the feelings she’ll draw out in potential suitors.

This morning I asked Charlotte what she had learned from this experience. After much thought she said, “No pushing.” I reminded her that there will be lots of times when “L” will want to play with both the girls, one at a time and sometimes with other kids completely and that’s okay. “Uh-huh,” she responded, looking at me like she wasn’t sure I was getting the whole “L”-is-my-ultimate-best-friend thing.

We’ll see how this afternoon goes.

Have you had a similar experience? Let me know in the comments below.

—Robin, CF’s senior editor

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My Christmas Intervention—Update

Photo sxc.hu

Photo sxc.hu

If you read my story in our November issue, you’ll know that I have been making a concerted effort to improve my Christmas spirit which has been, to date, a little unspirited. I was happy to hear from quite a few of our readers that they have had similar feelings towards the holidays.

I am proud to report I am working hard to keep my seasonal dread in check. Let it be known that in the past two weeks, I have:

1 Put up my Christmas wreath and lights a full week before December. My husband is thrilled with this turn of events, but I had to draw the line at the inflatable snowman he was eyeing.

2 Made a gingerbread house with my daughter for a charity fundraiser. Sadly, I was later informed it was stolen while on display.

3 Took my girl to see the Santa at the mall where I was once a Santa’s elf. The elves now wear red sweaters and black pants, back in the day I had to wear a red and green skirt, white sweater and Santa hat. What gives?

4 Invited my family over for Christmas day brunch. “Serenity now” will be my mantra.

5 Bought my daughter’s big-ticket gift: a set of drums (a total score on Craigslist). I’ve asked Santa for earplugs.

This is progress, people.

Things I am still struggling with however…

1 Crowded malls. They make me crazy. I have done all I can to finish shopping so I don’t have to step into one for the whole month of December.

2 Whether to send out Christmas cards, which I haven’t done in years, but wonder if I should as part of my rehabilitation. I am still mulling this one.

Any thoughts?

—Robin, CF’s senior editor

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Goodbye Jon & Kate Plus 8

jon-and-kate-plus-8So tonight is the series finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9 p.m.).

I admit, I have watched my share of episodes, tuning in even before the recent drama surrounding the show. What drew me in during those early years was watching two parents manage their beautiful, bouncy brood of kids (tantrums, mealtimes and bedtime battles x 8) and often thinking “Thank God that’s not me.”

Kate was pushy and picky. Jon seemed along for the ride. But still, it was interesting TV. Once the battles began I watched the show less. Who wants to watch the disintegration of a family? Turns out millions of people at the beginning—far fewer as things got ugly and sad.

While the show was supposed to continue on as Kate Plus 8, those plans have been put on hold as Kate considers her next career move (she’s already guest-hosted on The View).

I wish the Gosselins luck. I hope they focus on the kids and find some middle ground on how to raise them. I hope they find true happiness with someone else someday who will love the plus eight as their own. But mostly, I hope the kids grow up happy and secure—and that they don’t require years of counseling or end up on a future season of Celebrity Rehab.

Goodbye Gosselins.

—Robin, CF’s senior editor

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Poll: Christmas Already?

If you read our November issue, you might have read my piece about struggling with my feelings about Christmas. I thought I was better prepared this year but I am already getting all tense thinking about it. It could be because the Xmas TV and radio ads began the day after Halloween or the fact that The Bay in downtown Toronto has already unveiled their holiday windows or that my lovely neighbour down the street has his lights up already. (Really, I just put our pumpkins into our green bin!). I keep reminding myself about the joy and feeling of goodwill the season brings to so many—but does it have to start a full 54 days before the big day? I think the Americans have this one right—they don’t gear up for the holidays on such a massive scale until after their Thanksgiving. What do you think?

Robin, CF’s senior editor

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Are Little Girls Clothes Way Too Sexy?

In the age of super low-rise jeans, bikini-clad girls in music videos and sex as a powerful marketing tool, where do we draw the line? It seems the acceptable age for the thong-wearing, mid-drift-bearing girl keeps getting younger and younger. Do you let your daughter wear sexy clothes? At what age do you think it’s okay to dress provocatively? The experts at Momversation weigh in on the issue.

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Help Wanted: How do You Get Your Kids to Dish?

Photo istockphoto.com

Photo: istockphoto.com

It appears my 5-year-old has developed short-term amnesia. That must be it (wish I had Dr. House on hand to diagnose her) because it happens each day after school. When I pick her up and ask her what she did today she inevitably answers “I don’t know” or “Nothing.” I’m lucky if she tells me what she had for lunch. Even on days when I know she has gym or library, she says she can’t remember what games she played or what book they read.

Lately I have stopped asking, hoping that she’ll volunteer some information. Not a chance. The only thing I ever seem to hear about is if one of her little friends gets in trouble (okay, that was their day) or if someone has been mean to her. As for what she’s studying or who she played with at recess, who knows?

I can’t be the only one with a kid whose credo appears to come straight from Fight Club (Rule number one of Kindergarten: Don’t talk about Kindergarten). What do you do to find out more about your kid’s day?

–Robin, CF senior editor

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