“Yuck!” Just what you want to hear at the dinner table, right? While toddlers have a well-deserved rep for being finicky eaters, it is no less frustrating when your tween is just as fussy.

Like preschoolers, preteens may be looking to demonstrate some independence, and what’s on their plate is a handy way to do it. Unlike preschoolers, however, tweens are starting to become more in tune with the wider world, picking up on lifestyle choices like vegetarianism, eating organic food, or, particularly in the case of girls, body image issues that cause them to, for example, reject bread and rice because their favourite celeb does.

“Kids in this age group are not growing very rapidly either, so they may just have smaller appetites until puberty kicks in,” notes Mary Ellen Prange, a registered dietitian in Cambridge, Ont. And of course, they may just not care for, say, eggs or eggplant, just like an adult may not.

Whatever the reason behind the picky eating, it can be stressful for parents. “One wants a baked pork chop while the other wants a barbecued one. One wants cooked carrots while the other wants raw. And it changes every six months!” says Calgary mom Carolyn Mahovlich of her kids, nine-year-old Maddy and 10-year-old Cameron. “It’s the basis of a very frustrating meal.”

meal deal

The good news is the most effective tactic is a straightforward approach. “It’s your responsibility to stock the kitchen with healthy options and to prepare nutritious meals, and it’s your kids’ responsibility to eat and decide how much they’re eating. That’s it,” says Torontonian Emma Waverman, co-author of the family-friendly cookbook Whining & Dining: Mealtime Survival for Picky Eaters and the Families Who Love Them (Random House Canada), and mom to three picky eaters. Prange agrees. “It’s called “division of responsibility’ and it helps to take off the pressure,” she says. “As soon as your child knows you’re concerned, you’re going to have the possibility of a power struggle. Keep it relaxed, and keep offering a variety of healthy foods.”

something for everyone

Of course, offering that variety is tough, especially when your child is a die-hard beige-food fan. Still, resist becoming a short-order cook, where you whip up a grilled cheese sandwich while everyone else dines on lasagna and salad. “Every meal should have at least one element that everyone can eat, like rice, so your picky eater can come to the table and enjoy a meal with the family,” says Waverman. Serving the meal family-style — items on the table so everyone can serve themselves is also a good choice, giving kids a sense of control while still getting some nutrients into them.

What if your preteen has announced he no longer eats meat? Steer him clear of the all-French-fry diet and offer veggie options of what you are already eating, such as a meat-free chili or a chicken-free stir-fry. If it’s more than a two-week phase, talk to a registered dietitian or get a good vegetarian cookbook to make sure you’re on the right track if you’re not a vegetarian yourself.

get cooking

Tweens are also totally capable of cooking and assisting with meals. Mahovlich enrolled her kids in a local cooking school called Kulinary Kids. “Now they realize how much work goes into a meal and definitely make more of an effort to at least try things,” she says. And never underestimate the power of peers. “Maddy just came home and said she ate pickled beets at a friend’s house!”

Bonnie Schiedel is a freelance writer in Ignace, Ont. She absolutely refuses to eat raisins.

nutrition notes

Many parents are understandably worried that their child’s health will be compromised, both long-term and short-term, because of poor nutrition. The two main issues are iron deficiency, which can impair growth and learning, and calcium, since bone mass is laid down in childhood. If you’re concerned, talk to your family doctor or a registered dietitian to get ideas (for example, dried apricots combined with a bit of vitamin C, like an orange segment, are a decent source of iron).

Keep reading if you’re coping with a vegetarian preteen.