When she was a baby and toddler, my daughter Sophie cheerily charmed her pediatrician during every wellness check-up. But when we visited him to diagnose a fever after her third birthday, she was totally terrified, wailing whenever he approached. We left with a prescription for antibiotics for her and a few gray hairs for me.

Being afraid of the doctor is common for kids aged three to five, says Dr. Henry Ukpeh, associate professor of pediatrics at the University of British Columbia. He says at this age, two levels of a child’s development — big imaginations and a belief in animism (the belief that everything is alive) — intersect, and that can lead to a fear of doctors and the instruments they use.

Kids may also be frightened if they associate a trip to the doctor with uncomfortable or painful procedures, such as injections, says Dr. Anand Prabhu, a registered psychologist at the Ottawa Institute of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. “Some kids just don’t like taking off their clothes, the feel of the cold stethoscope or the tightness of the blood pressure cuff.” Whatever the cause of your child’s fear, here’s how you can help him cope and feel more comfortable at her next visit to the doctor.

Appointment Prep

• Role Play Preschoolers love to dress up so have your child pretend to be a doctor with her doll, teddy bear or even you as the patient in the weeks leading up to the appointment. Explain that her job as a “doctor” is to keep kids healthy and safe. Reading about what to expect at the doctor’s office can also help children face their fears. Franklin Goes to the Hospital by Paulette Bourgeois (Turtleback Books) and The Berenstain Bears Go To The Doctor by Stan Berenstain (Random House) are great choices.

• Explain the Purpose of the Visit If your preschooler associates the doctor’s office with being sick, she may wonder why she has to go when she feels fine. Explain that all children need check-ups to make sure they are growing and developing normally and what the visit will involve — looking into her mouth, ears and eyes, a quick press on the stomach and listening to her chest with a stethoscope. If an injection is scheduled, be truthful, says Prabhu. “Tell her it will pinch but only for a second.” Applying a topical anesthetic like an Emla patch can also help lessen the pain associated with needles. “I recommend it but it’s not just the pain that scares kids, it’s the idea of the needle penetrating their skin so it’s also helpful if they don’t see the needle beforehand,” says Prabhu. If your child is actually sick or in pain, explain the visit is necessary so you can find out how to make her feel better.

• Timing This can be crucial in order to make your doctor visits go well. “Don’t schedule the appointment during your child’s nap time and make sure they’ve been fed,” says Dr. Ukpeh.

• Post-Visit Fun Generally you don’t want to bribe your child to encourage good behaviour but giving them something to look forward to after the appointment such as a visit to the park or to an ice cream shop may help them to focus on what comes next.

When to lay off

When Jake*, four, went to the doctor for his annual flu shot, he was wiggling and flailing on the floor and eventually the nurse decided that it wasn’t safe to give him the vaccination, much to his mom Trish Myers*’s dismay. “I wanted him to get the shot and I didn’t want him to think that he could pull a tantrum to avoid things he didn’t want to do.”

If a child is hysterical about an injection or procedure trying again at a later date can be just what the doctor ordered. “In my experience, by the time you come back, you’ll be able to make some progress,” says Dr. Ukpeh. “The factors that affect a child at a particular visit, such as hunger or crankiness, change. And once your child is older, by age five or six, you’ll be able to reason with her more.” That was the case with Jake, who was fine when he went for his flu shot one year later at age five. “He cried a little,” says Myers, “but it was like the previous year’s fit hadn’t happened.”

Time for a new doctor?
There should be a positive connection between your child and his doctor. If finding a better fit is practical, do so, but consider the decision carefully. “There’s no guarantee that another person will be a better fit for your child,” says Dr. Ukpeh. “And each time you take the child to a new place, the newness adds to their anxiety.”

*Names have been changed