As kids settle into new preschool classes, with higher ratios of kids to adults, there are bound to be adjustments. That’s especially true if yours isn’t a daycare or nursery school veteran. Here four Canadian experts offer answers to your questions about preschool problems.

Since my three-year-old son moved up from the toddler class to the preschool room, he’s become much more aggressive than usual. He even bit a child yesterday. What’s going on?

Imagine walking into a party in which you know no one. Do you quickly grab a drink? Feel a little stressed? It’s not much different when your child enters a new class. While behavioural regression after a stressful event such as a classroom move is common, aggression does need to be handled quickly to keep everyone safe. Former and new teachers need to talk about what sets your kid off so they can avoid another incident, and lay out consequences for hurting others in the future. Maybe you should also ask yourself ““ and the caregivers ““ how the transition was handled. Perhaps your son needs to be introduced to the class at a slower pace (if that’s still possible), or given a transition object from the old class, such as a favourite toy, to act as a bridge. Many preschools move two or three children up to a new class at the same time so there are familiar faces to make it easier on them.

Because my son doesn’t like change, I sat in the lunchroom for the first five days at his new preschool so he’d know I was nearby. How can I leave without causing a temper tantrum?

First of all, it’s ok to allow your child to pull the odd tantrum. For many kids this is normal behaviour when confronted with a new situation. It will pass. Besides, if you’ve chosen a quality preschool, there will be experienced, caring people on hand to help him wade through these big emotions. In many ways, parents have a harder time letting go than kids. If you linger too long, be aware that you’re probably sending signals to your child that he should be frightened. So make your exit and go grab a coffee. If something is really wrong, the school will call you. That’s what cellphones are for.

My little girl just started her first preschool class two weeks ago. After the first couple of days she started clinging to my leg and screaming. Is it just separation anxiety?

Many preschoolers go through a “honeymoon phase” for the first few days, but when reality sinks in ““ school is the new norm ““ all hell breaks loose. The best thing to do? When you leave, say, “You are safe here and I will be back after your nap” (or whatever time you plan to return). By giving her a concrete picture of what to expect, you’ll help her feel more secure. And don’t be afraid to speak to your child’s new teachers if you have concerns about how she’s adjusting, or want to inform them about her individual needs, likes and dislikes. If you think you need more than a few minutes at pickup time to talk, ask if you can set up a 15- or 20-minute appointment (or a phone call) when it’s convenient for the teacher or supervisor to get away.

My preschooler’s new teacher says she’s doing well, but each night she is C-R-A-B-B-Y. Is this normal?
In a word, yes. When our kids go to daycare or preschool, they’re working hard to learn everything from new words to how to make friends, and even the best way to put on a jacket. Chances are your daughter has been trying her best to keep it together all day. But once she’s at home, in her safe place, she lets go. Kicking your seat in the car and doing a face plant in the mashed potatoes might seem extreme, but it pays to remember she’s tired ““ and, in a strange and annoying way, this is how she shows she loves you. Until this phase passes, keep some perspective ““ and a box of crackers in the car for snacks.

OUR EXPERTS
Laurie McNelles, director of the Mothercraft Institute for Early Development (MIED), Toronto. Kim Pawluck, manager of the Eaton Centre MIED, Toronto. Millie Braun, supervisor of Family and Childcare Resources, Winnipeg. Dorota Bartnik-Kapsa, senior supervisor for Summer of ’73 Child Care, University of British Columbia Childcare Services, Vancouver