The moment you pick up the phone to call to your best friend or try to hash out a job with your electrician, you hear it. “Mommy! I want a cookie! or “Daddy! Can I talk too?”

If you’re a typical parent and you have typical preschoolers, the desperate demands of a talkative tot can be a serious barrier to a sane adult conversation. Sometimes just getting through a basic breakfast discussion with your spouse about the day ahead can take several attempts.

“Kids don’t understand the subtleties of conversation,” says Laurie Gough, mom of four-year-old Quinn, in Wakefield, Que.

That’s true, but let’s be frank — constant interruptions can drive an otherwise calm parent to total, well, distraction. Here’s what you need to know and how to deal.

Why do kids interrupt?

Because they can’t help themselves. “They’re still at a very egocentric stage of their development. There’s nothing wrong with that; that’s just where they are,” says Jane Cawley, the executive director of St. Joseph’s College of Early Childhood Education in Halifax.

Kids also need to feel special, important and valued, adds Terry Carson, a Toronto parenting coach. Kids will do whatever it takes to get you to notice them, even if that means turning themselves into pests. “The subconscious mind doesn’t differentiate between positive and negative attention from parents,” she says. “All they know is that they’re getting the attention they need.”

When I tell my daughter I’ll talk to her in two minutes, she’s crawling all over me after 20 seconds. Why?

When you say “two minutes” to a three-year-old who doesn’t understand the concept of time, you might as well be saying “monkey wrench.” Instead, you could try, “As soon as I’m done talking, I would love to hear what you have to say.”

So how do I get my child to stop interrupting?

Duct tape could work (kidding, bien sur!). But if you’re looking for a more child-friendly approach, try Carson’s step-by-step plan.

Step 1: Teach your child how to say, “Excuse me.”
How? The next time your preschooler tugs your sleeve, say, “You’re interrupting me and you need to say the words “excuse me.’ That’s the polite way to let Mommy know you have something to say.” Remind him when he forgets. Thank him when he remembers. Once your child has this licked, move on to Step 2.

Step 2: Make him wait
Basically, you’re teaching patience. Say, “Thank you for remembering your good manners, Jason. I’ll be with you in 15 seconds.” Then keep your word. Your aim here is 15 seconds maximum, says Carson.

Step 3: Stretch the time gradually
Now you can draw out the period your child waits. Next time she interrupts, make her wait 30 to 60 seconds. When she’s mastered that, try one to three minutes. Each time, turn to her and say, “Thank you for waiting so long. What do you need to say?”

Step 4: Prepare ahead for a bigger pause
Do you need to make an important 15-minute phone call? Time to pull out the big guns and negotiate. Carson suggests you give your child something special to play with while you make the call or
empower him by handing him a timer. As soon as the timer goes off, it’s his job to let you know. Just be prepared for a hasty goodbye once he comes running. And of course you can always use a little help from Dora or Diego during those really important chats. (Come on, we all do it…)

Kira Vermond is a Guelph-based writer who is still trying to teach her five-year-old son how to say excuse me — without yelling it.

MORE FAMILY-TESTED TIPS

• Laurie Gough says when her son Quinn wants to interrupt her, he places a hand on her hand. She acknowledges him by placing her other hand on his.
• Marjo Johne, a Mississauga mom of twins, says technology saves her bacon when she’s talking to an important client on the phone. “The most helpful tool is the mute button on the phone,” she says.