My husband and I have spent countless hours offering advice to our eight-, nine- and 10-year-old nephews about how to deal with mean kids. It’s our job to teach them to ignore them and be the bigger person, right? But when my sister told us recently that her youngest son was being cyber-bullied by three boys via emails, and that he didn’t want to leave the house because of it, we didn’t have an answer.

nowhere to hide

Cyber-bullying, the deliberate sending of hostile messages by email, cell phone text message, instant message (IM), on personal websites and on sites such as MySpace and Facebook that are intended to harm an individual, is a far cry from the days of being pushed around in the schoolyard.

“It used to be that if kids were picked on, it was done at school or at a place where groups of youth hung out,” says a counsellor for Kids Help Phone, who prefers to remain anonymous. “As bad as it was, at least kids could go home and find some refuge. With cyber-bullying, the problem has reached a whole new level. If a bully knows a child’s email address, cell phone number, or has information about social networking sites they’re on, they have direct access to taunt them in any place and at any time,” she says.

be proactive

What can parents do to minimize cyber-bullying? “Set clear rules about what’s expected from kids in terms of how they treat people, regardless of whether they’re online or not,” says the counsellor. According to a 2007 report done by Kids Help Phone, while 70 percent of youth said they’d been bullied at least once while online, a whopping 44 per cent admitted that they themselves had bullied someone else while online. Make a habit of checking in on your child while he’s online to enforce your rules.

just walk away

Encourage your child not to read the messages and, hard as it may be, to try to ignore the bully by not responding. However, before erasing any message, make a copy, being sure to note the email address, full email headers and the time and date received. This may be necessary for evidence if the bullying continues.

private matters

Teach your child the importance of keeping passwords secret and not to give out his cell phone number or email address to just anyone, even if it’s someone the same age. Tell him not to open emails from people he doesn’t know, and when it comes to chat rooms, not to use his real name or email address as a screen name.

ask for help

Unfortunately, some bullies only respond to drastic measures, says the counsellor. One option is to register a complaint (and forward any harassing emails) to the bully’s Internet or phone service provider (visit cyberbullying.ca for a list of appropriate channels). This may result in a warning to the user and/or their service being severed. Another is contacting the police. Some forms of cyber-bullying are a crime under the Criminal Code of Canada.

find what works

For my sister and nephew, the solution was twofold. First they did a Google search to find what personal information of his was available online and deleted what they could. Next they changed his email address and cell number, making sure he knew to be selective when sharing them. Soon the cyber-bullying — and my nephew’s penchant for staying home — was nothing but a bad memory.

Liz Bruckner is mom to a six-month-old son. She’s going to teach him to treat people nicely whether he’s online or not.

cyber-bullying signs

Cyberbullying.ca suggests looking out for the following:

• Long hours on the computer
• Closes windows on her computer when you enter the room
• Behavioural changes, sleep issues, headaches or stomachaches
• Lack of interest at social events that include other students
• Frequent visits to the school nurse or office complaining of feeling sick — wants to call Mom or Dad to come and get him
• Unexplained broken personal possessions or loss of money

Keep reading for more on what your child is doing online.