“I was the weird girl,” says Ashley*, 17, describing people’s response to her when she first moved to a small town in Newfoundland. “People would talk behind my back. They were very cliquey.” That was four years ago and — not coincidentally — around the time that depression first set in. When she was 15, her mother noticed scars on her arms: Ashley was cutting herself. The devastating discovery led to some changes. Ashley started to see a counselor and take medication. Although she still suffers from depression, she is currently taking a mood stabilizer and hopes to attend university soon.

is my teen depressed?

Adolescence can be tumultuous. Your teen may be irritable, moody and unmotivated and avoid speaking to adults for fear of being misunderstood. This can make it difficult to discern when your child is depressed, or simply expressing the effects of raging hormones and a brain that’s still developing, says Kate Scowen, a former youth worker and author of My Kind of Sad: What It’s Like to Be Young and Depressed (Annick Press).

Still, there are red flags for depression, says Dr. Katharina Manassis, a child psychiatrist at The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto. “You will see a dramatic change in the child’s mood that will persist for weeks. The child may seem more sad, anxious, angry or irritable, and start to behave differently — perhaps by withdrawing from friends, doing poorly at school or sleeping more or less than before,” Dr. Manassis says. Your child may also exhibit signs of cutting, an eating disorder or aggression.

A family history of depression, alcoholism and anxiety all increase a child’s likelihood of experiencing depression, adds Dr. Manassis. A separation or divorce, a move, death of a loved one — any major change in the teen’s life can make him more vulnerable to the condition.

what can I do?

“Understand your own experiences and biases around mental health,” says Scowen. If you have struggled with your own mood disorders, you “may feel guilty about passing on loaded genetics while also trying to deal with your own issues.” Alternatively, those who have never been depressed may not understand why their child can’t simply “snap out of it.” In either case, it’s important to not let your own feelings complicate how you respond.Here are some tips the experts recommend to help your teen.

1 Recognize patterns of interacting with your child that may be causing problems. For example, Ashley warns against continually asking him how he feels, as this can make him withdraw, as was the case with her. Find a time when the two of you are alone together without distractions. Then bring up your concerns openly, says Scowen. Depending on your relationship with your teen, having both parents involved could be perceived as supportive or threatening (ganging up).

2 Avoid diagnosing your child before you know what’s going on. “There are other medical conditions that can mimic some of the symptoms of depression,” says Scowen. You can also say something like: “I’ve noticed some real changes and want to talk about what’s going on for you.”

3 Reassure your child. Tell him that there are good treatments now, that they have your love and support and they will get through it. Because depression is inheritable, you may even want to tell your child about others in the family who have coped with depression, assuming that these are people are okay with you sharing this information and it is someone your child feels connected to, says Scowen.

getting professional help

Start by making a trip to the family doctor. He or she will need to rule out any possible medical conditions such as anemia or thyroid problems. The next step is to get a referral to a therapist. Even if a health professional is involved with your child, you still have an important role to play, emphasizes Dr. Manassis. This includes being empathetic and encouraging the child to get involved in activities he or she has enjoyed in the past. With your support, your teen will have a much better chance of managing his illness.

Diana Ballon writes extensively on mental health issues.

* Name has been changed