maternity leave mom

Jacquelyn Francis, mom of Felix, 11 months, Toronto

How many months of mat leave did you take? I’m taking the full year. It’s highly unlikely I’ll look back on this someday and say, “you know, I really should have worked those few extra months instead of staying home with Felix.” What surprises you most about being a mom? How heavy it is on my soul. It’s impossible to not think “big picture’ now that I have a child. Everything seems so much more important. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? The heartache. Why is it so hard to think or look at my son without tearing up? He just slays me. I can’t believe he’s mine. Favourite thing to do with your kids? My son is still very young so nursing is still a very special time for me. I love the morning feed when we bring him into bed and lay him between us. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Late-night nursing sessions! There are times when I wish he could be soothed by something other than my body. I also hate wiping his nose! Favourite thing to do without your kids? Just walking down the street on my own feels brand new and weird. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? Last Mother’s Day was my son’s first day home from the hospital. There were people streaming in and out of the house to see him, I was heavily medicated, confined to bed after a C-section and pretty emotional. But I wouldn’t change a thing. This Mother’s Day will be very different I suspect.

working mom

Lennifer Gruden, mom of Emily, deceased, and Noah, 3, Toronto

What surprises you most about being a mom? How much joy there is in simply getting to know and appreciate my child. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? For me I think it is dealing with the fear: Fear of not being a good enough mom; fear that my child will be injured or damaged in some way; fear of hazards; fear of being smothering. Are you satisfied with your work/life balance? Only if you call it “work-life flexibility.” It doesn’t balance some days, maybe even most days! Sometimes it feels entirely crazy and undoable. But then some weeks at the end of the week it feels like even if a lot of not-so-important things were put aside; all the important things happened. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Go somewhere together, the park or something fancy like the zoo. Picnics are probably the best. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Share the stomach flu. And also long car rides. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Read. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? It’s pretty much a regular day.

self-employed mom

Celeste Moure, mom of Chloe, 1, Vancouver

How many months of maternity leave did you take? I started working one week after delivery, so zero months. I did take it easy with accepting assignments those first three months though. What surprises you most about being a mom? How it really changes your outlook on life: you start seeing the world from a little person’s eyes and you don’t see the bad things. Or at least, you try only to see the good in everything and everyone. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? Not being able to travel the way that I did before at a moment’s notice. Not getting enough sleep. Favourite thing to do with your kids? I love taking her to Granville Island, where there are often street performers (musicians, magicians, etc.). She loves watching that. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Getting on a plane. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Going out to dinner. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? Only had one so far and it was a brunch prepared by my husband.

married mom

Anna Kazi, married (13 years) and mom of Shoma, 6, and Nuala, 1, Halifax

What surprises you most about being a mom? How much confidence I’ve gained, and the perspective it’s given me. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? The constant demands and the amount of organization required. Sometimes I feel like I never get a minute without someone wanting something from me. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Playing in the backyard. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Right now, mealtimes. My oldest can be a picky eater and wants to negotiate over every bite, and the youngest is just constantly demanding. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Mealtimes, see above. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? Right now, chaos.

adoptive mom

Rosemary Thompson, mom of Louis, 14, Max, deceased, and Jasmine, 2, Ottawa

What is the most surprising thing about being a mom? How much joy each child brings into your life. In the case of my son, who likes to perform in musical theatre, when he first went onstage my heart was so huge, and when he nailed his performance, I have never felt so much pride. For my adopted daughter, who is just two, every new word brings out huge applause from each member of our family. And of course that leads to beautiful toddler smiles. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? Wishing you were with them. No matter how exciting your job is, there is a nagging feeling that somehow it would be even more fun if they were with you. Favourite thing to do with your children? Rock my little girl to sleep and to be picked up by my much taller son. He’s way taller than me now. Least favourite thing to do with your children? Nagging my son to stop leaving his dirty socks all over the house. The two-year-old still feels like a miracle. But when she starts leaving her dirty socks around I’m sure I’ll feel the same way. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Read blissfully in the peace and quiet of the night. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? My husband is very sweet and never forgets, there are always flowers, and always a little present from all of them.

single mom

Terri Ollen, mom of Dane, 18 months, Lloydminster, Alta.

Biggest surprise about being a mom: I didn’t think that I could survive on so little sleep for so long. I also didn’t know how much joy he would bring to my life and how it would hurt so much when he felt any pain. I didn’t know how much I would love him. Hardest thing about being a mom: The guilt that I place on myself for not being there for him at all times. The difficulty with the time away from him due to visitation with his father. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Make him laugh, chase him around the house, tickle him, give him kisses — I love, love, love it, when he comes to me to give me a hug. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Cut his toenails. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Shop. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? Only had one so far but I got two little gifts from Dane (my parents and his father purchased something for me).

new mom

Connie Del Basso, mom of Danila, 2 months, Melbourne, Ont.

How old were you when you had your children? I was 39. We both wanted to have kids so we decided to try hoping for the best. My only worry is having another child because I will be 40 and we’re concerned about the financial challenges but we’re confident we’ll overcome this, and having our daughter in our lives means the world to us. What surprises you most about being a mom? How much patience I have. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? The lack of sleep! Favourite thing to do with your kids? Talk to her. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Put her to sleep 20 times a day. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Grocery shop. My life has become this. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? Not sure yet.

widowed mom

Jennifer Maclean, mom of Liam, 9, Toronto

What surprises you most about being a mom? I didn’t know that having a baby would give me the chance to see everything in the world through a fresh set of eyes. I got to discover again what carrots tasted like, what kittens feel like and how funny Daffy Duck is — all through the expressions on Liam’s face. The hardest thing about being a mom: For me it was telling Liam when he was just two that his father had passed away. My husband Chris had brain cancer and was very sick for the last year of his life. But Liam was too little to process or understand what was happening. I tried to keep his life as normal and as routine as possible in the most abnormal of circumstances and that was hard enough. But nothing was as hard as looking into those big blue eyes that night and telling him that Chris had died and that no, he would never see his father again. And even harder still was to put aside my own devastation, so that I could say it in a way that didn’t frighten him and that reassured him that we would be okay, and that he was safe. Favourite thing to do with your kids? I love being on vacation with Liam. It’s always so interesting what draws his attention, and what he finds fun. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Sometimes, going to movies with Liam is my favourite thing to do. Sometimes, it’s not. The Pink Panther 2 was particularly painful and it rankles that I had to spend $50 on a movie that made me cringe. Favourite thing to do without your kids? A great dinner with friends, wine and great conversation (that is not about Spider-Man). What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? We don’t make a huge deal of it. There will generally be a card. Liam will make a special breakfast and there might be flowers.

gay mom

Mary-Paula Lizewski, mom of Olivia, 3, and Jackson, 19 months, Toronto

How old were you when you had your kids? My partner was 36 when she had our first child, Olivia. I was 39 when I gave birth to our second child, Jackson. What surprises you most about being a mom? 1) How hard it is. 2) How unconditional the love is that I receive from my kids every day, even when we have a tough day. 3) How protective I am with my kids. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? For me, patience. I really struggle with being patient. Favourite thing to do with your kids? There are so many things I love doing with my kids that it’s hard to narrow it down. I love taking our kids to the cottage. I love taking them out for lunch and watch them enjoy a big bowl of noodles. I love watching them play at the park. I love cuddling with them before bed and feeling their soft skin against my cheek. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Disciplining them. I also can’t stand going to indoor playgrounds where they usually hold birthday parties. I can’t stand the chaos and I get completely paranoid that I’ll lose my kids. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Spend time with my partner. Preferably out of the house: movie, dinner, anything adult. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? We go to my in-laws and celebrate with my mother-in-law. With two moms in our family, it’s not really a treat for either of us.

mom of many

Larissa Warrington, mom of Sofia, 8, Lucie, 6, Delia, 4, Alexander, 2, expecting #5 in August, Vancouver

How old were you when you had your kids? 27, 29, 31, 34, 36 What surprises you most about being a mom? How tired I am. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? Getting my kids to school on time, multi-tasking. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Anything as a family. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Get them ready for school and bed. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Sleep. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? The kids and dad make breakfast (and clean up!) and then we go play.

raising grandchildren

Bonnie Buxton, mom of two daughters, aged 31 and 29. Currently raising grandchildren, Kenny, 9, and Vicky, 7, Toronto

What surprises you most about being a mom? How passionate I am about these two little people who came into my life by accident. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? The endless juggling and fatigue plus we worry about our illness or premature death. I’m a breast cancer survivor. My husband Brian has had a quadruple bypass. We’re currently setting up wills and trusts and it gets complicated as their birth mother is not as emotionally close to them as we are. My goal is to see both of them graduate from high school. We have put away funding for post-secondary education. Favourite thing to do with your kids? We have a “movie night” at least once a week at home. Most of them are movies that Brian and I, or the first batch of kids, loved. Last week’s movie was the original Superman with Christopher Reeve. They also loved The Bad News Bears. It’s a way of sharing things we love with them. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Take them to Toys R Us. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Have a quiet evening at home. On rare occasions, someone will take the kids for two nights so we can get out of town to a spa. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? I don’t have the foggiest idea. I think they all bring me breakfast in bed and there are usually flowers and little gifts they made in school.

rural, eco-mom

Julie Chadwick, mom of a three-year-old, expecting #2, B.C.

What surprises you most about being a mom? I guess that it’s one of those things that you don’t fully understand until you’ve done it — and I don’t mean just biologically carrying a child, but more the devotion of your life to the care and upbringing of another. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? That no matter how hard it gets, quitting is not an option. It’s not like so many other things in our instant-gratification culture in that you can’t just say “stuff it, this is ridiculous. I’m done.” What are you doing in your house to be more “green”? I had a young child that I didn’t want growing up in an urban environment and I sought the challenge of living in a place where we had to source my own power, water and heat. Thus we moved to a small Gulf island that has no city water or electricity and no car ferry. Our electricity comes from solar panels in the summer (and whenever it’s sunny) and a handmade water wheel in the winter when the creek is running. My next challenge on the quest for independence is food security — the island is not yet set up to supply its own food — not even a significant part of it, and it’s not sustainable or achievable for every house and homestead to try and supply all its own food needs, so it’s an issue I’m working on figuring out. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Family giggly wrestling matches first thing in the morning. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Play games when I don’t feel like it. There’s nothing worse than having to pretend to be my daughter’s puppy or pet mouse when I’m grouchy over whether we’ll have enough money for (fill in the blank) or simply wanting to drink tea, stare out the window and have my thoughts all to myself. Then again, maybe that’s exactly when I need to do it. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Write, read books, paint and practice my saxophone. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? My husband makes me breakfast and picks me wildflowers. No joke. He’s great. My daughter makes me a card.

suburban mom

Tracey Hollinrake, mom of Samantha, 7, and Sophie, 1, Oakville, Ont.

What surprises you most about being a mom? How it connects you to so many people you wouldn’t probably have normally become friends with. It removes barriers. I’ve never had so many friends my whole life. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? Saying no. Wanting to give them everything and knowing you’re not making them better humans by doing so. What are you doing in your house to be more “green”? Just finished a whole project with our seven-year-old about conserving water. Kids bring the whole “green” topic home a lot from school so we’re often talking about it. I also pack a litterless lunch for her every day — and she realizes that. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Turn up the stereo and dance! Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Can’t think of anything but I know there’s something. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Vacation. What usually happens at your house on Mother’s Day? This is very un-Canadian — I get a Mommy shopping day at Target! They come along for the drive and we have lunch together. Then my husband keeps them busy while I cruise the aisles for hours. This will be year three.

urban mom

Tara Burkhardt, mom of Devyn, 2, expecting #2, Vancouver

What surprises you most about being a mom? How judgmental other parents can be. What is the hardest thing about being a mom? Finding productive ways of disciplining…especially when I’m exhausted! What are you doing to be more “green”? We use nearly 100 percent non-chemical cleaners. We buy organic and local foods, power-saving appliances and electronics, power-saving light bulbs, and we recycle everything we can. We also are conscious of water and electricity usage. I am definitely conscious of the impact that my family’s consumption has on not only our bodies but on the planet as well. The last century has brought about some fantastic technologies, but society is only now really becoming aware of the negative effects that some of these conveniences are having on our health and the health of the environment in which we live. I want my children to grow up with the ability to recognize the consequences of their actions. Favourite thing to do with your kids? Go to the park/beach/mountains on a sunny day. Least favourite thing to do with your kids? Trying to feed her dinner when she is in a bad mood and refuses to eat whatever I’ve made that night. Favourite thing to do without your kids? Go out for dinner and a show with my partner. What happens at your house on Mother’s Day? Flowers, lunch, maybe a card. I often think a lot about my mom who passed away in October 2007.

never say never

We asked moms to tell us the one thing they thought they’d never do as a mom, but have:

• Caught my daughter’s puke in my bare hands to divert it from getting all over her while she was in her car seat.
• Use a Fruit by the Foot (ugh) candy as a bribe.
• I never thought I’d be the type of mom who would make those cheesy holiday cards with your kids on it. Yet, last Christmas, there I was taking photos of Chloe and printing cards for all my family and friends.
• Lay with her every night until she falls asleep — she’s four!
• Lick my finger and then wipe something off of my son’s face. It’s so gross, yet sometimes so necessary.
• Told my daughter what a “little white lie” meant and set her up to use one to get out of a birthday party invite.
• Let her watch TV so I can have some much needed “me” time.
• Feed my kids ice cream and cookies so I can finish dinner.
• Yell at my kids as much as I do. We both need timeouts and apologies from time to time.
• Laugh when he toots.

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