That crowd of lag-abouts in the mall food court looks like it’s up to no good. Loud outbursts and raucous laughter permeate the air, f-sharps floating toward the ears of tiny children nearby. This lot fills up seats, sprawls across tables and glances casually at passersby with a mixture of indifference and insolence. Surely all that loitering is trouble waiting to happen!

Really, there’s nothing to worry about (other than the parroting toddlers who might borrow a phrase or two). It’s only a crowd of teenagers, enjoying some downtime. Just as you gather to socialize, gossip and relax with your friends, it’s entirely normal for teens to congregate in groups to decompress. In fact, with the emotional turbulence of growing up, it could be argued they need their chill time even more than we do. Letting your teen hang out with the crowd may actually be good for him.

Think about it: today’s teens are used to structure. From preschool play dates to after-school activities, their social lives have been constructed around productive pursuits. Hell, most of these kids got their first day planner in Grade 1. It’s no wonder that doing nothing is a welcome alternative.

By the time high school rolls around, teens are learning to socialize with less structure and more freedom. “It’s part of the developmental process,” says Derrick Maier, a youth counsellor in Fredericton. “Their focus is shifting toward how they relate to others.” It may look like they’re doing nothing, but social interaction helps teens develop their own identities and determine how they fit in. “It’s part of asserting their independence.”

“They like the idea of being outside the home and with their friends,” says Carolyn Hueston of Cochrane, Alta. Heuston, whose kids are 12 and 14, doesn’t think it’s a waste of time. “It’s a step toward independence ““ the ultimate goal in parenting.”

“Kids go to the mall because there’s no place else to go,” says Reem Zaia, 16, of Windsor, Ont. “They want to immerse themselves in their friends and relax.” Many communities are building safe spaces just for teens that mimic those surroundings. Zaia is a member of the local Mayor’s Youth Advisory Committee, which is hoping to create a teen drop-in centre.

“Kids want to feel like they’re away from adult eyes, like they’re not being watched as carefully,” agrees Erica Mark, a youth worker at the Champlain Heights Recreation Centre in Vancouver. The centre’s youth room is open seven days a week.

Teens need the space to make some of their own decisions, but there’s plenty you can do to encourage hang-time behaviour that everyone can live with. Talk to your kids about where they spend time and how they’re perceived. Set safe but flexible boundaries. “I have to know where they are and who they’re with,” says Hueston.

As Zaia points out, there’s a stereotype that teens are always up to no good. She believes that peer pressure works in reverse, too. “You can encourage the people you’re hanging out with to do the right thing.”

You can create a teen-friendly space for socializing in a family room ““ a stuffy place where kids have to be on company behaviour just won’t work. Adults should be nearby, but teens will stop talking if they feel like someone’s listening all the time.

If your teen never seems to do anything but hang out, encourage him to mix things up with more directed activities, like team sports or volunteer work. “Balance is important in everything,” says Mark.

Venues of Choice

We asked teens what makes a house appealing as a place to hang out. Here’s what they had to say.
Room:“I like places where there can be a lot of kids,” says Reem Zaia, 16, of Windsor, Ont. “It’s not as much fun when there are limits on the number of people.”

Snacks: “You definitely need a television and video games, and maybe a pool table,” says Timothy Butland, 17, of Magnetawan, Ont. “And pop and chips, even pizza.”
Stuff To Do: “Even if we’re just talking, it’s nice to know there’s an activity or entertainment available, such as a good set-up for watching DVDs or gaming,” says Zaia.
Invisible Siblings: No one wants a younger sister or brother bothering them.

Variety: It’s better if kids take turns hosting, says Zaia, rather than going to one particular house all the time. “Every kid needs the chance to get out of their own house.”