Your Child's Imaginary Friend
Calder Johnson, 4, used to have a friend named Gordon, whose family owned lots of pets and drove around in fancy cars such as Cadillacs and limousines. Calder would often point out Gordon and his family as they sped by, crying out to his mom and dad, “Look, there they are.”
He didn’t talk to Gordon directly, but his dad, Andrew Johnson of Hamilton, Ont., says Calder spoke about him daily for six months. “He created this mirror family down to the smallest detail, and it was a big part of his life for a while.”
For many kids Calder’s age, it’s completely normal and common to have imaginary friends, suggests Dr. Mark A. Sabbagh, an associate professor in the department of psychology at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ont. “Between 45 to 60 percent of children have one at some point, which can include everything from invisible imaginary companions to stuffed animals that children imbue with distinct personality traits.” About 25 percent have strictly invisible, imaginary companions.
creative thinking
Some parents may think it seems strange to have a two-way conversation with someone who doesn’t really exist. “In the case of invisible friends, it might look like the child has lost touch with reality, or is hallucinating or something like that,” says Dr. Sabbagh. Parents may also question whether their child doesn’t have enough real friends or lacks the social skills to make them.
While experts are unsure what role imaginary friends play developmentally, Dr. Sabbagh says they’re associated with positive development. He explains that children with imaginary friends tend to have more friends in school, and to be more socially sophisticated in general.
In retrospect, Johnson believes it was a way for his son to express wanting to be more social. “Not that he didn’t have plenty of opportunities to socialize, but he was never in daycare, so maybe he was looking for more contact,” he says.
preschool pals
Make-believe friends usually show up during the preschool years, although it’s a little unclear why. “One theory is that the preschool period is a special time for cognitive development. Preschoolers are developing an increasingly sophisticated understanding of others’ mental lives during this time,” says Dr. Sabbagh. The make-believe friends help them to build social skills by practicing what Dr. Sabbagh calls “mental perspective-taking”—a fancy term for putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.
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