Single Mom Assumptions Get a Reality Check
IN MY EARLY 20s, I worked as a receptionist at a community health centre. It was the kind of place that gave out free condoms and – when that was too late – prenatal vitamins. On a wall in the waiting room was a public health poster of a pregnant teenager with the caption, “Chances are, you’ll end up poor and alone.”
While being a teen mom certainly wouldn’t be easy, there was a tone in that public health message that went beyond the wake-up call that was presumably intended. It was the idea that there’s something fundamentally wrong in being a single mother, that it’s a well-travelled path to despair. The girl in the poster was already pregnant, so the message wasn’t only, “Be careful if you’re going to have sex,” it was also, “You’re going to be a single mother? Now you’re screwed.”
I often think about that poster, particularly since I am a single mom who budgets on the sub-atomic level and whose romantic life is often limited to fantasies about the Kratt Brothers. But I don’t feel like I’m on the path to despair. In fact, I think I have advantages in my solo life with my daughter, ones that I wouldn’t have as part of a “regular” family.
It took me awhile before I realized that it’s possible to get eyeball to eyeball with your worst fears and come out feeling like an Amazon warrior. In a world where so many see single moms as destitute, ashamed or even shameful, standing tall can sometimes be a challenge.
So, yes, the societal deck is stacked against single moms and, yes, our experiences have led us to ditch the romantic ideal of a smiling Ken doll happily co-parenting with us. But since nothing ever came of rolling over and playing dead, I’d like to challenge some creaky old assumptions and show off the rewards of flying solo.
ASSUMPTION #1: Single moms know nothing about birth control
Concerns about the dangers of unprotected sex and unwanted parenthood among teens are perhaps the root of this assumption. But the problem is, all single moms get lumped into this category, no matter what their situations.
Single motherhood is often seen as a sign of downward social mobility. I know this because of the surprise I’ve noticed on people’s faces when I tell them that my daughter was a planned pregnancy and that, no, I wasn’t
dumped – I chose not to marry her dad.
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