What’s the Weirdest Thing You’ve Ever Said to Your Kids?

By Blake Eligh

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Illustration by Nathan Ripperger

Everyone says that you’ll eventually hear your parents’ voice come out of your mouth, but I have been surprised by all the other things I catch myself saying to my children.

Around our house, you might hear someone say something like: “Yes, Richard Ashcroft is allowed to say he feels ‘so damned fine,’ but I bet his mother doesn’t like that.” Or “I don’t understand you when you only speak in meows.” And I recently overheard this one-sided exchange between my husband and our three-year-old: “We don’t lick the toilet…..I said, we don’t lick the toilet!” File that one under “Things I Didn’t Expect When I Was Expecting.”

It’s good to know I’ve got company, in Nathan Ripperger anyway. The video producer and dad from Dubuque, Iowa, has been making fabulous graphics of the weird things he’s said to his kids in his collection titled, appropriately, “Things I’ve Said to My Children.”

Ripperger tells us that he and his wife parent four “active” boys ranging in age from seven to one. We’re guessing that “active” means he has a stockpile of great material for future posters.

Until recently, Ripperger had been posting the hilarious graphics for fun on Flickr, but he tells CF.ca that there’s a to-be-launched-any-minute Etsy store in the works.

It’s kind of hard to choose which one we like best here at the Canadian Family offices. The underwear one is a particular favourite, but we also like the weird randomness of the snorkel poster. You’ll just have to see for yourself.

We bet you have some good stories from around your house, too. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever said to your kids?

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