With a name that means “happy,” I believe my parents were trying to equip me for a life of positivity. However, as life goes, circumstances arise and tragedies occur, weighing down one’s spirit and very being. Following the advice of well-meaning friends, acquaintances and talk show hosts, I tried to find my bliss over and over throughout my 20s and early-30s. I dated men who I thought would make me happy, bonded with girlfriends who I thought were kindred spirits, drank way too much, partied too hard, studied too little, travelled several countries and convinced myself that I had a lovely, glamorous life. But . . . still no bliss.

Then I had a child. And postpartum depression. So I decided to have another child. And even worse postpartum depression. I tried doctors, medication and psychiatrists. Still no bliss. What was a girl to do?

It wasn’t until I discovered that I was living in the wrong state (no, not America), that I was able to move forward. You may recognize yourself or someone you know in one of the following:

Living in the past—you know the ones. The ones who begin their sentences with “if only” and “once I had” or “at one time I.” The ones that feel whatever they had or did in their past was either so wonderful or so horrible that they were simply unable to move forward.

Living for the future—I have plenty of these acquaintances. We tend to equate these with “old maids,” those women (or men) of yore who are incomplete without a mate/career/insert-desire-here, and spend their whole lives waiting for the “right one” so their life can begin. Typically, sentences start with, “when I get,” “when I meet” or even “I can hardly wait until.” It’s one thing to be excited for Christmas; it’s quite another to decide against buying a house until you are married.

During my life I have spent much of my time in one of these lesser states. So mired in the pain of my past, I couldn’t smell the roses or feel the sunshine of today. So excited about the future I wouldn’t even consider renovating my house as “when I was married we would sell it anyway.” I have to admit there was no happiness for me in either of these states. I wasn’t living. I was remembering or waiting, but never living. And then I made a conscious decision to start taking care of myself. I quit the job I hated. I quit dating. I quit toxic relationships. In a sense, I quit trying to be perfect. But I did start living. I started sitting down and snuggling with my kids every night. I made an effort to renew the positive relationships in my life. I began talking to my family and friends about those areas of life that I once considered “private” and “off-limits.” And I found as I shared much of my pain that my pain became bearable. And I started living in the present.

I awakened each morning thankful for a new day. I started counting my blessings and encouraging my children to do the same. I started to focus on the great things in my life—warm puppy breath in the morning, sleepy hugs and kisses from my children, the ability to smile, the warm house we lived in. I stopped thinking about the past and began to forgive myself for the poor decisions I had made. Each day I was able to open myself up to the good in my life and slowly the layers of pain, hurt and betrayal were peeling away. As each layer fell, I felt lighter, stronger, happier, and yes, blissful. So then I stopped waiting. I stopped waiting for the perfect career, the perfect house, the perfect mate. I began learning to fix my own car, renovating my own house and attending conferences for the job I didn’t have. In taking these steps I was able to peel away more layers—self-doubt, low self-esteem and self-worth issues. I was finally able to recognize my weaknesses and celebrate my strengths.

Once these dark layers had peeled away, I found bliss was there waiting, waiting for me to be strong enough to find it.

Felicia Dewar is mom of two boys who blogs about life in a single-mom family at singlemomoftwo.com.

Read all of the finalist stories and vote for this story to win Tales of Bliss: Reader’s Choice!